Abortion isn’t murder

Its just cancelling your pre-order.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fedexdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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Does anyone know what the best pickup line is for when you are at an abortion clinic?

Come here often?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robb4217
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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Abortion really does make you playful.

After all, it does bring out your inner child.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ghegi
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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Where did the cactus go for an abortion?

Plant Parenthood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarkShapiro
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2018
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Dad, what are your thoughts on abortion?

Ask your sister.

But I don't have a-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/owlsrule143
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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The decision to get an abortion is a hard one to make

you don't want to make it on an empty stomach

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πŸ‘€︎ u/musamiz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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The abortion clinic did not know what to do.

They were Unplanned Parenthood.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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Why can't you fool an aborted fetus?

Beacuse it wasn't born yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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See ya sucker!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/popman-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
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What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moony-7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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Was going to make a joke about childbirth...

But it's hard to deliver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/samdp4l
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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When my wife was in labour, I tried to distract her by telling terrible jokes, but it didn’t work.

It must have been the delivery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
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What is the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

EDIT: An older gentleman spent the whole afternoon in the gas station telling dad jokes to every customer that walked through the door. This was mine.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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I’m thinking about throwing a space themed party, but I'm not sure how to plan it.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasrservo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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My wife groaned at this one (Not in the sexy way either...)

One of my wife's bosses is from China with the family name Wong.

Wife was telling me that said boss just had a baby a few months ago.

(At this moment, my dad powers started kicking in...)

Me: "Huh, that's cool. When her husband visits the office next time, you should ask them if the baby's Caucasian."

Wife: "What?! Why?"

Me: Cause I wanna know if two 'Wongs' make a 'White'..."

Her eyes rolled so hard they detached.

Edit: Thanks for front page folks! Glad I could make you laugh (or groan...)

Edit 2: Thank you for the gold!

Edit 3: WIFE'S IN THE THREAD!! Abort! Abort! Wee woo wee woo wee woo

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hephaestus1219
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2015
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A dad's joke about milk.

Some context: my dad listed the drinks we had, which read "orange juice, decaf, milk."

Me: (jokingly) Decaf milk?

Dad: All milk is decaf because we get it and the calf doesn't!

The man is legendary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fagballs3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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How are dad jokes and cask cleaners similar?

They both end up scraping the bottom of the barrel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doryenas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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I think my phone is a dad...

I was typing something about abortion and I accidentally started to misspell it.

My Phone: "Did you mean "antilabor"?

Me: "Well... yeah..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anix421
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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My family told me to stop saying dead baby jokes

I had to Abort

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaxsuperstar200
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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President trump wants to abolish and reverse all the pro choice movements that have been made...

And there's no plan b.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kopextacy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2017
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A kid named Dexter

Wife: "One of my friends just named their kid Dexter. Would you ever name a kid Dexter?"

Me: "Yeah, that's a killer name!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mech_Wolf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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I actually submitted my own idea for a Deadpool movie.

He survives through to the 24th century and gets his own ship. He somehow runs afoul of a certain Bajoran captain who used to be a distinguished ensign on the Enterprise, under Captain Picard.

The movie then becomes about their conflict. The response from the studio wasn't kind. They said I should abort the idea. They said it would be too controversial to make a movie about Ro v. Wade.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myntrith
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
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