Zamboni Company Puns

Here is all the penis slang I could find, courtesy of the internet

1. A

2. Ace in the hole

3. Acorn Andy

4. Action Jackson

5. Adam Halfpint

6. Admiral Winky

7. African black snake

8. Afro man

9. AIDS baster

10. AIDS grenade, The

11. Alabama blacksnake

12. Albino cave dweller

13. All-day sucker

14. Anaconda

15. Anal impaler

16. Anal intruder

17. Anal Spear

18. Ankle spanker

19. Apple-headed monster

20. Ass blaster

21. Ass pirate

22. Ass wedge

23. Astralgod

24. Auger-headed gut wrench

25. B

26. Ba-donk-a-donk

27. Baby maker

28. Baby's arm holding an apple

29. Baby's arm in a boxing glove

30. Bacon bazooker

31. Bacon rod

32. Badboy

33. Bagpipe

34. Bald Avenger, The

35. Bald butler

36. Bald-headed beauty

37. Bald-headed giggle stick

38. Bald-headed hermit

39. Bald-headed Jesus

40. Bald-headed yogurt slinger

41. Baldy-headed spunk-juice dispenser

42. Ball buddy

43. Baloney pony

44. Banana

45. Bat and balls

46. Battering ram

47. Bayonet

48. Bavarian Beefstick

49. Beard splitter

50. Bearded burglar

51. Beastus maximus

52. Beaver buster

53. Beaver Cleaver

54. Bed snake

55. Beef baton

56. Beef bayonet

57. Beef belt buckle

58. Beef bugle

59. Beef bus

60. Beef missile

61. Beef soldier

62. Beef stick

63. Beefy McManstick

64. Bell rope

65. Belly stick

66. Best leg of three

67. (Big) Beanpole

68. Big Dick & the twins

69. Big Dickus

70. Big Jake the ene-eyed snake

71. Big Jim and the Twins

72. Big Johnson

73. Big Lebowski

74. Big number one

75. Big Mac

76. Big red

77. Big rod

78. Big Uncle

79. Biggus Dickus

80. Bilbo Baggins

81. Bishop, The

82. Bishop with his nice red hat

83. Bitch blaster

84. Bitch stick

85. Bits and pieces

86. Blind butler

87. Blind snake

88. Blood blunt

89. Blood slug

90. Blood sword

91. Blow pop

92. Blowtorch

93. Blue steel

94. Blue-veined jackhammer

95. Blue-veined junket pumper

96. Blue-veined piccolo

97. Blue-veined puss chucker

98. Blue-veiner

99. Blunt

100. Bob

101. Bob Dole

102. Bob Johnson

103. Bobo

104. Bone

105. Bone phone

106. Bone rollercoaster

107. Boneless beef

108. Boneless fish

109. Boner

110. Boney cannelloni

111. Bone-her

112. Bop gun

113. Bottle rocket

114. Bow-legged swamp donkey

115. Box buster

116. Boybrush

117. Bradford and the pair

118. Bratwurst

119. Breakfast burrito

120. Breakfast wood

121. Broom

122. Brutus

123. Bubba

124. Bulbulous big-knob

125. Bumtickler

126. Bush beater

127. Bush rusher

128. Bushwhacker

129. Buster Hymen

130. Buster McThunderstick

131. Butt blaster

132. Butt pirate

133. Butter churn

134. Butt

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

The doctor says it terminal.

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

I used to work for a well-known microphone company. Microphones for recording studios as well as other applications. And while I had a BA in Music Technology I still accepted the $11/hour because it was in my field and I wanted to move (they said normally they only do $10/hour but will give me the extra dollar for my experience).

I worked and trained my way up to being able to test and QC these microphones and I was pretty happy (although I had to take a second job driving a Zamboni to pay the bills). At one point, I found a flaw in their testing of thousands of microphones - basically our machine was “passing” bad product because the cable being used stopped working but was still giving us a positive reading. I make a suggestion moving forward involving flipping the phase of the testing mic, blah blah blah, l save them a ton of money and meet with the owner and get praised for my work and let’s me know they are impressed and glad someone that works here is into audio. Rad!

Fast forward to a week before reviews for raises (25 cents if I’m lucky!) I was asked to test these high-end mics using this little battery operated testing device. As I get started I realize the thing doesn’t power up so I replace the AA battery. I mention this in passing to our production manager and he freaks out. “Replacing the battery recalibrates that device! You really screwed up!” To preface this, the only microphone our production manager has ever used was the one they take your order with at the drive-thru. We go to the owner and he’s not even sure if that’s true. After a little detective work we determine it’s the little watch battery that recalibrates the device. Phew!

A few days later I get called into the production managers office and get written up for changing the battery. The battery that NO ONE knew if it would recalibrate the device and ended up NOT EFFECTING ANYTHING AT ALL. I said first of all we all found out together that it was totally fine to change that battery. Secondly, if it’s so important to the process that it deems getting written up for don’t you think it’s important enough to train me on in the first place. He did not like that. Still wish I never signed that paper.

He proceeds to deny me of the raise, sighting the “battery mishap.” Immediately put in my 2 weeks. He was stunned and even kept them from giving me vacation pay because I wanted out before Christmas so I technically only gave them 11 days notice. Whatever. I wrote a scathing review in

It really does, I swear!

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

And boy are my arms legs.

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon

My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

The bartender says, "Sorry, no minors”