My 13yo son has been designing, building, and flying RC planes for a couple years now. His last one worked well until a catastrophic crash. Me: "Well, you make a better engineer than a pilot."
Son: "I only crashed once!"
Me: "Most pilots only get one crash..."
Son: "Yeah, fair point."
You know why it took me so long to figure out how to make tea?
There was a steep learning curve.
Hey, can you make me a sandwich?
🫳🫳Poof! You’re a sandwich.
Friend: "All this talk about the rain is making me gloomy. Can you please not make reference to the weather?"
Sorry to hear that! Just remember, every cloud has a silver lining!
"When we got married you said you'd spend your whole life trying to make me happy."
"Yes, but I didn't expect to live this long."
In the Store with my wife I saw a box of beer on offer for half price so I said can I have them? she said no, budget is tight, I said well you just bought lots of makeup, she replied, that is to make me look beautiful, I replied..
That is what the beer was for.
I was checking various springs for a project at work. I told my coworker "If you roll them across the table it will make a good snack." He just looked at me with a WTF face...
I told him "What? You never ate Spring Rolls?"
My son and I went camping yesterday when he asked me how to start a campfire. I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same."
"Then you’ll have a match!"
This woman walked up to me in a bar. She said, "You know what I want? I want a man that can make jokes about space!"
I said, "You'll meteorite man some day."
“DAAADDD CAN YOU MAKE ME A SANDWICH?”
POOF You’re a sandwich.
Can we get some real dad jokes around here?
Someone told me that Yoga can make you smarter.
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you.
I took her to Subway and that's how the fight started.
Dad, I’m starving can you make me a sandwhich?
Abracadabra you are a sandwich
A guy anxiously said to his psychologist, “Doc, you gotta help me. I keep having a strange dream that I’m either a teepee or a wigwam. Every night, teepee, wigwam, teepee, wigwam! Please, make it stop!”
The doctor said, “Relax, you’re two tents.”
If you are unique what does that make me?
“Can you help me with the curtains? I need to make sure the carpet matches the drapes.”
And THAT is a sexual in-your-window!
I was Ghana make a pun about countries but let me Czech if I can. I hope you Dubai sometime
My best friend made me some cookies the other day. "Wow, did you make them yourself?"
"Yeah," He responded
"They're Homie made."
I was making crumpets this morning and my wife asked me “how did you make them?”
“Well, I asked them nicely.” - I replied.
Today my friend asked me “What kinda shit would make you want to stay home all day?”
I said “Diarrhea for sure”.
The best advice my dad ever gave me: if ever you are desperately searching for something, make sure to take an apple with you.
That way, your search cannot be fruitless.
Me: Can I leave work early? Boss: Only if you make up the time.
Me: Ok, 45 past 60.
Boss: You’re fired.
Wife: “Did you just make up that joke?” Me: “No, I....”
“...learned it from an American social news aggregation, web content rating, and discussion website that I can’t remember the name of.”
Let me know if any of these make you laugh!
- What's a dentist's favorite time? Tooth-hurty!
- How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
- I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.
- The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. Wow, it was tense!
- All my lamps are gone... and I couldn't be more de-lighted!
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
- Chemists give the best advice, they've got all the solutions.
- A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”
- Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.
- I had to make these bad science jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Did any of them make you laugh? Don't tell me no pun in ten did!
*sighs* You know what melancholy flowers make me think of?
So it's past 4 am for me and my mind decided to make this. are you proud internet?
My wife asked me “Where’d you learn to make ice cream so well?”
Midwife (handing me the baby): Make sure you’re supporting his head.
Me: That’s a great head you have there, Well done!
Sometimes I get tyred of normal jokes and make puns instead. They are quick, easy, and don't put you under pressure. Sometimes, they can be very flat. They can be as light as air, or as heavy as steel. All in all, puns really punp me up!
"Dad, could you make me a hamburger?"
"ABRACADABRA! You're a hamburger!"
This is his favorite Dad joke. I learned at a young age to say "Dad, could you cook me a hamburger"
My sister bet me I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
I asked dad to make me a sandwich he said, "Abracadabra, you are a sandwich"
Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.
You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
I’ll always remember what my grandpa told me on his deathbed—He said, “Always make sure you’re not part of the problem...”
“..Try your best to be the whole problem.”
I told my sister "one time, a teacher of mine gave me a list of 10 puns so that I could make sense of them." She asked " well, did any of them make sense?" I told her "No pun in ten did." My sister laughed and said "I get it, did you intend that?" I said "Nope, unintended."
Dad: Why didn't you make me a grilled cheese too?
Dad: Why didn't you make me a grilled cheese too?
Me: I dunno. I didn't think you wanted one.
Dad: I guess I wasn't Gouda-nough
All we need to make heat is create a little friction, I'll give you the fric- you give me the -tion
Frick, that's what I like to hear
[request] can you help me make a sad or depressing pun?
11 yr old: "Dad, while you're in the kitchen, will you make me popcorn?"
Me: "Poof! You're popcorn!"
11: eye roll
Wife: groan
Me: intent chuckle
Dad, can you make me a ham sandwich?
Poof 💥 you’re a ham sandwich
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
Me: Dad please can you make me a sandwich?
Dad: Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
"Dad can you make me a sandwich?"
My 10 year old Brother: "Dad can you make me a Sandwich?"
Dad: "Abra-Cadabra, you're a sandwich"
Can you make me a sandwich?
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