Perhaps this is why wood floors are so popular these days
“Hey, how much wood have you chopped so far?”
“Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Why do you want to sleep in the woods?
True story: So we were out today and sat at a table for some food. My 4yo asked what the holes and and notches were in the wood and my wife says “they are knot holes”.
Miss4 says “if they are not holes, what are they?”
I'm building my own guitar, but every time I look at the wood I've bought for it, I get overwhelmed by anxiety about how it will turn out.
I shouldn't have started with the fretboard.
I once built a car out of wood
Wife: I’m trying to cut a piece of wood, but it won’t stay in place.
Husband: I recommend that you use this clamp with my company’s logo on it.
Wife: I don’t need your advise!
Tiger Woods and Cub Woods
Wood fired Pizza
How is Pizza going to get a job now?!?
My uncle just passed away from accidentally drinking wood varnish
It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish.
A tree’s wood is 50% carbon, 42% oxygen, 6% hydrogen, 1% nitrogen
You can call it a chemis-tree
What do you call hairy woods?
There was a lumberjack who moonlighted as a serial killer. He used wood chippers to dispose of the bodies, which is why he was so prolific.
Every once in a while, these guys come out of the woodwork.
I was stacking wood and a piece fell and tried to hit me
He was all bark and no bite
I can cut a piece of wood in half with my eyes.
It’s true I saw it with my own eyes.
My neighbour asked me “Hey, how much wood did you chop today?”
I said, “Not sure. Let me check the logs.”
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
I thought about dressing up as a plank of wood for halloween
I changed my mind because i would get board quickly.
What do you call an exotic Italian supercar made entirely of wood?
What do you call wood that's scared?
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
Every time the camper heard something rustle in the woods he shouted, "It's a grizzly!"
Guess he was a bit bearanoid.
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck?
If a wood chuck could Chuck Norris
My dad told me he met that famous actor on his walk in the woods.
What is Tiger Wood’s favorite place to go on vacation?
What did Elijah Wood name his shop that sells only bells?
A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...
She says, “Oh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”
The guy replies, “I don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”
I cut my foot whilst chopping wood
It was an axeident waiting to happen
What’s the scariest wood?
Walk in the woods
Two guys are walking through a forest when they come across a lamppost. The first guy turns to the second and says "Whats a lamppost doing out in the middle of knowhere" and the second replies. "That's Narnia business"
A woodcutter once decided to build his own motor bike. He used wood for the frame, wood for the engine, wood for the brakes, and even a wooden gas tank.
Did he ride it? No. It wooden start
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods ?
They followed the psycho path
If a woman has a baby on a piece of wood.
She would give birth on the labour board.
I was able to salvage some sandpaper from my wood shop fire...
But it was in rough shape.
What do you make a coffin with? Mourning wood.
My father was a great wood worker,
until the termites really took their toll.
What is Lil Jon’s favourite type of wood for bbq?
Two lumberjacks were cutting wood. One of them shouted at the other over the noise of the chainsaw, “What was the name of that tree ring dating app you were using?”
The other replied, “Tiiiiimmmber!”
"Hey!! How long have you been chopping wood for?"
"Not sure, let me check my logs."
What do you call a sportscar carved out of italian wood?
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