What does the genie say when you wish for a $50 bill?
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
I went to the beekeeper to get a dozen bees. When he gave me the bag, I counted 13, so I said “oops, you gave me an extra-“
He said “Nah, that’s a freebie”
What do you get when you mix a penis, potato & a boat?
I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..
..no one even raises an eyebrow.
Who needs a nornal joke when you can have a running joke?
You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.
I was out looking at beds with the family.
Wife: "I really like this bed."
Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."
What agency does the president call upon when craving a late night snack?
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........
.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'
My 8 year old just told me this one.. What does the minister say when you marry a computer?
I now pronounce you man and wifi.
What happens when you fight a dinosaur?
What do you get, when you pour down hot water into a rabbit hole?
Hey daddy- how do you know when a drink is sick?
It becomes cough-y.
-My 11 year son a few moments after I had coffee go down the wrong pipe and had a bit of a coughing fit.
proud dad noises
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mineshaft?
You know, some people are so scared when they see a bear they go into...
What do you call a neon sheep in the Star Wars universe?
You should be careful when you have a window of opportunity.
They're a pane to replace
Once upon a time when I visited the dentist........
Doctor: What's the problem?
Me: I'm a moth.
Doctor: Excuse me?
Me: I'm a moth.
Doctor: Maybe you should see a psychiatrist not a dentist.
Me: I went to the psychiatrist about an hour ago.
Doctor: Then what are you doing here?
Me: Your light was on.
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl when they go to the bathroom?
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...
What do you call it when a felon goes down stairs
Never take a calculus exam when you are sitting next to two identical twins.
It’s really hard to differentiate between them.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender ?
So two wind turbines are standing in a field when one asks the other ‘what kind of music do you like?’
The second replies ‘I’m a big metal fan’
Courtesy of my 10 year old!
A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.
Man: “For my first wish I'd like to be rich."
Genie: “Alright Rich, what's your second wish".
What do you get when you mix an elephant with a rhino?
What do you get when you cross a potato with a penis?
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree, when it shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned and said: “And you will dialogue.”
What do you call it when a sister of the church is speaking gibberish?
What do you call it when you slap a rock without consent?
According to ancient Japanese lore, your aura takes a particular colour when you die.
You see a boat filled with people, but when you look closer you don't find a single person in it. Why?
Because everyone is married.
What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?
... why are you ignoring me?
What do you get when you mix a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
-Edit-
Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D
I was sitting in a restaurant when the waitress walked up and asked how did you find your steak sir?
I said I looked at the mashed potatoes and the steak was right next to them.
It’s a rare occurrence when a pun gives you a religious experience. The Argyle Sweater for 4/2/2021
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment about their moustache, and suddenly...
She isn’t your friend anymore.
What do you give Scooby-Doo when he has a fever?
Ketchup, because that's what you put on a hot dog.
What do you get when you send a bad audio file?
What do you get when you cross a Vegetable Patch with a Dinosaur?
What do you call it when a random person farts on a bunch of strangers?
What do you get when you mix a penis & a potato?
What do you get when you pick a pigs nose 🐽?
Ham boogers.
I know. I know...
Snot funny
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