Cop: "are you high?" guy: "am I what?" cop: "high"
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︎ Aug 20 2022
I asked βSiri, why am I so bad with women?β Do you know what she said?
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︎ Sep 22 2022
I have 4 arms, 6 legs and 2 heads. What am I?
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︎ Sep 23 2022
I am a doctor what is going on
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︎ Aug 31 2022
what am I??
I'm the first on earth,The second in heaven ,I appear twice a week, you can only see me once in a year because I'm in the middle of the sea..What am I???
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︎ May 25 2022
I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"
He said "I don't think that's a weakness"
"Well I don't give a f* what you think"
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︎ Mar 09 2021
A man went to the psychologist and says: βI am really afraid of words that sound like letters of the alphabet! What do I do?β
The psychologist answered: βI see. Are you ok?β
(Unsure if this has been posted before, excuse me if it has!)
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︎ Jul 22 2022
My name is Brian and I am dyslexic. You know what that means, kids?
It means something is wrong with my brian
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︎ Nov 19 2021
If I am holding a bee, what lies in my eyes?
Beauty.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the Beeholder.
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︎ Aug 04 2021
I have 6 hands, 12 feet and 3 heads. What am I?
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︎ Jun 07 2021
Hey friends! In support of the LGBTQ+ community I wanted to design a punny pride greeting card and I am so happy with how it turned out :D let me know what you think!
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︎ Jun 10 2021
Like many, I fear the dentist office. I never leave for an appointment without my trusty harpoon, in case things go sideways. My dentist asked what am I so afraid of.
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︎ Apr 14 2022
Iβm blue and I smell like red paint, what am I ?
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︎ Jan 19 2022
Me: Son, what grade am I in?
Son: Youβre grade at cleaning poop.
Courtesy of my 5-year-old, also very accurate.
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︎ Jan 03 2022
What the hell am I dough-inβ here? I donut belong here
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Doctor: Sir, I am sorry to say that you have onomatopoeia... Patient: What is it, doc?
Doctor: Itβs exactly what it sounds like.
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︎ Jun 28 2018
I am a proud dad today - my son ask me what this Indian bread on top of the fridge is for
I told him itβs Naan of his business
Edit: he could have replied βpapa dumbβ
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I have no idea what to get now...am I supposed to get both?
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︎ Sep 24 2020
My mom has 3 kids. My brother was born a gas, my sister a liquid and I am a solid. Yesterday my mom looked upset so I asked her what was wrong. She said "I'm pregnant"
So I said "Okay, what's the matter?"
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Son : "Hi Dad. I'm hungry", I am prepared for what he has to say.
Dad : let's order some food.
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︎ Aug 20 2020
What did the pin say to the baloon? I am the king of pop
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︎ Aug 22 2020
My buddy Jerry had to get taken to the hospital, unfortunately it looked like he needed to be operated on. He was unconscious and when he came to, he asked βwhatβs going to happen, am I going to be alright?β
I told him; βSurgeryβ.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
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︎ Nov 17 2019
An Honest Werewolf : "What do you mean? I am not a werewolf"
A Random Seer : "Either you are lying or you are an unawerewolf"
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︎ Feb 11 2021
I am on a roll, I mean what are circles...
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︎ Apr 26 2020
Convo between me and a lady friend, what do we think boys? Am I in?
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︎ Apr 16 2019
People tend to be shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am.
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︎ Jan 15 2019
If Iβm a millionth of myself what am I?
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︎ Jan 13 2021
Wife: what are your plans for today? Me: I am going to the eye doctor
And after that Iβll see
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︎ Jun 12 2020
I am not sure what the first church on Mars would look like.
But the mass would be the same.
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︎ Dec 10 2018
I dont even know what I am laughing at
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︎ Jan 02 2019
I am sure someone has posted this one before, but, since I havenβt seen it, here goes! What did the wood screw say to the machine screw?
Wow! Those are some fine lookinβ threads, brotha!
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I'm a turnip, turned down. Concerned, but I don't carrot all. I am what I yam. What am I?
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︎ Jan 23 2020
i have four eyes, seven legs, three noses, and five ears. what am i?
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︎ Dec 07 2019
What am I supposed to be looking atat
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︎ Apr 29 2014
If I'm American in the living room and in the dinning room, what am I called in the bathroom?
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︎ Feb 11 2020
GUESS WHAT I AM DOING?
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︎ Jun 02 2019
I am a Demi-God but I wasn't satisfied with it. I told my God I wanted to be more. Now I'm Demi Moore. What do? (x-post /r/fifthworldproblems)
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︎ May 25 2015
The Great Dad Joke: So Moses is talking to God and he's all like "I don't know what to call you, I'm confused" and God is like "Hi confused, I AM".
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︎ Sep 20 2016
What days am I the proudest of?
SON-days! haha love ya, little buddy
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︎ Feb 08 2018
I have 4 eyes, 2 mouths and 5 ears. What am I?
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︎ Nov 24 2017
First you listen to me, then you eat me. What am I?
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︎ Mar 25 2018
What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.
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︎ Sep 26 2018
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
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︎ Nov 02 2020
I have six eyes, three ears, and two mouths. What am I?
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︎ Dec 06 2017
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