A Fender bender.
There we are, sitting in my parents living room when my mom asks me "how do I get my iPhone and iPad in sync?" I told her "ask my sister, just hope she doesn't make them in sync on the backstreet" to which my dad chimed in "boy that ain't no lie". So I said "I know. I think I need to go home. Bye bye bye."
Set-up: I'm reviewing an essay for a classmate and his grammar is lamentable. I'm giving my husband some examples.
Me: He switches tenses mid-sentence and keeps using "begin" instead of "began."
Husband: The problem with people like you is that you're always too tense.
Me: Then get over here and give me a massage!
Husband: No, I believe in women's rights and would never want to be massage-onistic.
Co-worker: "I can careless about today, but tomorrow will be a different story."
Me: "Well, what if there was a book called Today is Tomorrow? Then it would be."
Coworker: "Fyphoon, that doesn't make any sense."
Me: "Don't worry, I brought change."
Mom: it's like a vegetable/pancake Me: so a frittata? Dad: I prefer expensive-tata Mom: what about these tatas? grabs boobs
It becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
So we get a book sent to our library, it was a little kids book called "I know all the letters of the alphabet." Me: looking at book "huh, I know all the letters of the alphabet?" Boss: "Yeah it got sent here by accident." Me: "You know I know only 25 letters of the alphabet." Boss: "Really?" Me: "Yeah I don't know why." Groaning was heard as the joke spread around the office.
It's a little light-headed!
Anyone have any bright ideas?
So I just had surgery and one of my restrictions is that I can't lift anything heavier than 20 lbs. Was at the Target today with the wife to return a lamp that she had purchased but then decided she didn't like. She parked the SUV and I opened the back to carry the lamp on the store. She said "What are you doing? You aren't supposed to lift anything!" I replied, "But it's light!"
Got the triple whammy. The groan, eye roll, and disgusted walk away from me and into the store. Had to carry the lamp, but it was worth it.
