Set-up: I'm reviewing an essay for a classmate and his grammar is lamentable. I'm giving my husband some examples.
Me: He switches tenses mid-sentence and keeps using "begin" instead of "began."
Husband: The problem with people like you is that you're always too tense.
Me: Then get over here and give me a massage!
Husband: No, I believe in women's rights and would never want to be massage-onistic.
Co-worker: "I can careless about today, but tomorrow will be a different story."
Me: "Well, what if there was a book called Today is Tomorrow? Then it would be."
Coworker: "Fyphoon, that doesn't make any sense."
Me: "Don't worry, I brought change."
Mom: it's like a vegetable/pancake Me: so a frittata? Dad: I prefer expensive-tata Mom: what about these tatas? grabs boobs
It becomes a laughing stock. That's humerus.
So we get a book sent to our library, it was a little kids book called "I know all the letters of the alphabet." Me: looking at book "huh, I know all the letters of the alphabet?" Boss: "Yeah it got sent here by accident." Me: "You know I know only 25 letters of the alphabet." Boss: "Really?" Me: "Yeah I don't know why." Groaning was heard as the joke spread around the office.
