To the guy whi invented the number zero.
I don't get why puns are considered dad jokes,
I've never seen a pun with kids before!
Why did my fence collapse?
Why do horses have low divorce rates?
They have stable relationships.
Why wasn't Jesus born at a Trump rally?
They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Why do rednecks like NASCAR?
Because they think drag racing is too “woke”.
Why did Adele cross the road?
To say hello from the other side
Why did the two pirates get divorced ?
They got into an ARRRRRRRgument.
Why is Texas the worst US state?
They have a one star rating
Why couldn't the ocean have a successful career as a comedian?
Because it couldn't get its jokes to land.
I'll sea myself out.
Why are pirates so angry after using the restroom?
After the "P" is gone, they are just "irate".
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl dinosaur go to the toilet?
Because it has a silent P
why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender
Why did the coffee file a police report?
If you could fight one person (dead or alive), who would it be and why?
Personally, I'd fight a dead person because I'd be guaranteed to win.
Why aren't vegans allowed pudding?
Because they haven't eaten their meat. How can they have any pudding if they don't eat their meat!
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
Because they'd crack each other up!
Why are bees so bad at public speaking?
They always bumble their words!
Why you booing me I'm right
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels
A girl on tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture
Told her I'm just looking for a match
My wife asked why I didn't wish her a "Happy International Woman's Day"
I said..."You're a domestic woman, not international"
Actual conversation I had - met with a delightful eyeroll and groan.
Me: "Why was Cinderella so bad at soc-" Daughter: "I know this already, she ran away from the ball."
Me: "No silly, it's because her coach was a pumpkin."
Always have a back-up joke ready to outflank your kids.
Why was the fart scientist so successful?
His observations were very asstoot.
Why are pretzels called 'pretzels'?
Because they're knot bread.
Why do pirates always carry a bar of soap?
In case they go overboard they can wash up on shore! Arrrrgh!
Why is Stir Fry never cooked on the ocean?
Because everyone knows you can't Wok on water.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the cows joke? 🐮
Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
Why didn't the chemistry channel get any subscribers?
Because it only did reaction videos
Why was the d replaced with a b?
Because it was a badjoke
Sorry, wrong subreddit.
Why programmers code in dark mode?
Because light attracts bugs!
Why is the Pope cold at night?
Because his sheets are holy
Why did the trans man only eat salad?
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a her before (herbivore)
Why don't cannibals eat left-handed people?
Canadian dadjoke: Why doesn't Hamilton have an NHL team?
Because if they get one, Toronto will want one too.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom
Why don't butts trust each other?
Because they always have a crack in the relationship!
When my wife groaned, “Why don’t you write a book instead of your stupid word play jokes?” I replied...
Why should you fear a math teacher with graph paper?
She's plotting something...
Why I feel uncomfortable around guitarists?
Why did the Tofu cross the road?
To prove it wasn’t chicken
Why do you go to bed in full armor?
It’s the best way to get a full knight’s sleep.
Why did the pirate couple get divorced?
Cause they just couldn't keep their hands off other people's booty.
Why did the Mexican start taking Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
(My dad told me this just now and I had to share!!)
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
They’d crack each other up
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six Offender
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
