USAT Thomas Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

>* Telah habis sudah cinta ini // Tak lagi tersisa untuk dunia >* Karena tlah kuhabiskan // Sisa cintaku hanya untukmu >* And the love that i had has all run out // And there is none left for this world >* Because i have spent it all on you // My love was all for you

Nusantara Raya

Year Twenty: How much we've done; How much more remains.

Previous issue: Year One: How far we've come; How far we'll go.

> * 1 June 2041

>It has been two decades since that fateful morning in 2021, when Southeast Asia awoke to a world aflame and their worst fears come to life. This Persekutuan took its first, hesitant steps into the harsh light of a brave new world, blinking and mewling like a babe in its reluctance and uncertainty.

>It was only thanks to the leadership of this Persekutuan's founders - President Joko Widodo, Sultan Abdullah of Pahang, Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, and Sultan Hassanal Bolkiah - that Nusantara was able to build a better union for the people of this archipelago. Beset at all sides by jealous eyes and power-hungry empires, reliant on trade in a suddenly deglobalized world, and united by the faintest cultural ties and a shared reluctance to give up hard-won independence, the nations of these Outer Islands took a bad hand and did the best that they could.

>Today, Nusantara stands apart as a paragon to the world - one of resilience, independence, and quiet sovereignty. From its megalopolises hail inventors, innovators, leaders, and cultural hearthrobs. On the world stage, this Archipelago is regarded with muted respect, winning partners and friends through hushed words and careful planning. Peaceful coexistence, that hallmark of Nusantaran diplomacy, has led to a prosperous Indo-Pacific, one built upon pre-Collapse tradition and post-America norms.

>Despite moves towards centralization, Nusantara remains at its core a loose federation - a [mandala](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandala_(political_model)) of mandalas, if you will - founded upon personal ties and a mutual desire to not be minnows in an ocean of sharks. Its core ideology, that of Pancasila, is in practice pragmatic

Nothing, he was gladiator.

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

When I got home, they were still there.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

Siamo in un mondo alternativo, dove i continenti sono solo 3:Tyarak, un posto desertico e inospitale, con poche città lungo il fiume Thof, l’unico fiume di tutto il continente. Per questo c’è solo una nazione, ghatlak, città rurale situata lungo tutto il fiume. Qui ci sono varie città, e tranne la capitale, ghalitay, tutte le città si basano dull’agricoltira , e anche le poche aziende per l’utilizzo del malk (un energia simile ai laser che può essere usata per molteplici scopi, anche riguardanti la guerra) si incentrano su sitemi riguardo l’agricoltura. Il secondo continente e il Qaslad, continente molto grosso , con numerosi fiumi, i più importanti sono hak, mak, e æk. Qui ci sono ventisette paesi, di cui tredici,(yau, uht, majh,wenk,rty, wqa,uhtymk, rews, mkuj, ghuth, xanathar, tazh e dsal) sono liberi, nella parte settentrionale nell’isola, diventando i paesi più industrializzati del globo, e facendo numerose scoperte( e grazie a loro se esiste il wi-fi) , principalmente allo scopo di aiutare tutto il mondo grazie al malk. Maih, wenk,rty,wga, yau e uht abitano sulle coste del fiume mak ( hanno anche formato un alleanza politica e militare, la Repubblica di Mak), mentre le altre abitano nell’entroterra, tranne dsal, che occupa tutta la costa ed e la più grande città del settentrione. Gli altri 14 paesi sono waterlœ, wehg, quyt, sdajk, ghuyl, tyurellok, kijiji, tfah, loppin,qasit, yuttin,ghaffrlir, phall, tyuœ, æëiù, sono tutti sotto un regime autoritario chiamato “La Terra dei Due Fiumi”, che usa il malk come strumento per creare armi, e “grazie “ a loro esistono i klomashikov, che sparano una raffica di 600 colpi in 10 secondi, i firx I, II e III, cecchini che arrivano a di stanze di 3000(I) km, 6000 (II)km e 12000 (III) km, oltre a vari altri fui ili e granate che vengono usate tutt’oggi ovunque. Tutte le città sono all’interno di hak e æk, compresa la suprema Capitale, phall, dove è situata la sede del re supremo della Terra dei Due Fiumi. Le città non hanno libertà di stampa, e nessuna forma di libertà, sonno praticamente schiavi del sovrano, e per questo si sono formate molte organizzazioni contro il regime.L’ultimo continente e il Tamat, dove inizia la storia... le regioni sono tre: -Quella interna, dove si studia il malk per ogni cosa, e dove sono situate tutte le industrie degne di nota. Le città sono sei, tutte gigantesche e tutte intorno ad un grande lago, il lago Tamat. Le città sono:Jennifer, keplens,Willk,Matliy,Thomas e Dustin. Ognuna gest

I won't be doing that today!

[Removed]

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

You take away their little brooms

There hasn't been a post all year!

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

Just to clarify, 12345678

Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...

Notices there's only 2;

Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."

I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.

I was just sitting there doing nothing.