Route Beer. Root Beer. Got it on Route 66. Nuff Said.
I was thinking of getting a job at the U.S. Mint
Can you imagine the amount of money I would make?
2000’s kids are generation Z and 80’s-90’s kids are generation Y, if we keep going back we get to generation U.
If you have wine from that time is it genuine?
My dad operates a motel and cafe on Route 66
Using only the letters L H U T S E, how do you tell an investigator to hurry up?
What happens when the U.S. Mint stops producing currency?
I don’t know, it makes no sense.
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
In an effort to combat climate change, the U.S. Army will no longer allow rabbits to drive vehicles.
This will eliminate 75% of America’s car bunny missions.
What is the opposite of a croissant?
My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
Did you hear that U.S. Mail is starting a freight delivery service to compete with FedEx and UPS?
Apple Pie is a ridiculous $5 a slice in the U.S., but only $1 in Jamaica, the Bahamas, & the Virgin Islands
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
I couldn't figure out why the U.S. Mint wasn't working...
But then it started to make cents.
Which U.S. state is famous for its extra-small soft drinks??
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
The U.S. Army is full of crybabies
That’s why we also call them the Infantry.
Did you know the film “Speed” had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.
The U.S. needs to stop selling pre-packaged shredded cheese!
Make America Grate Again!
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid
If there’s a line of gay people, it’s not a straight line...
The U. S. Government legally believes in demons.
After all, possession is 9/10ths of the law.
What’s the deal with people who get fired from the U.S. Mint?
None of them make cents anymore!
(with thanks for encouragement from u/sherbert_suspicious): I built a little model sports car car for my snail, and called it an S-car for Snail.
Every where he drove it, people shouted "Look at that S-Car go!"
What does u/username do when he hates the hotel he’s staying at?
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
*whispers* b i o l o g y p u n s . . .
9 months from now, there will be a baby boom. 13 years later, will give rise to the next generation, known as....
A company with travelling salespeople had an accounting procedure...
There with a company with a lot of travelling salespeople, and they had an accounting procedure that was somewhat unusual. Since the salespeople were driving around a lot, they had to pay a lot of highway tolls. They would get reimbursed for this. Since these expenses were so common, and different from other expenses, they had a series of ceramic tiles that represented the amount of money they paid to take these highways. At the end of the day, after travelling their routes, they would come back and put them in the cash register and take money out to reimburse themselves. But the highways all raised their rates, and so the salespeople would come back with hands full of their tiles. So one Friday, after raised rates and very busy travel, the boss came in to look at the receptionist and her overloaded cash register. He asked her what was going on, and she said:
"The tall tiles in the till tell a tale of tall tolls"
What do snowmen call their offspring?
What is an appropriate age to tell my highway it's adopted?
I feel like the 66 route is a little late
Darth Vader's walking into a Chinese takeaway when he gets a call from the Emperor
"What is thy bidding, my master?" says Darth Vader.
My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
It's not like I did something
Ya know everyone seems to hate the U.S right now, but I honestly think it’s pretty
I won’t act like I’m not impressed
Best 'ice' puns. Go!
What are the best 'ice puns'? Trying to name a project in opposition to U.S. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement, or ICE. Ideas needed. Thx in advance 🙏🏼 Have a punderful day!
I saw the headline “Trump Attacks WHO chief Over Criticisms of U.S. Approach to Coronavirus” and thought...
What the hell did Pete Townshend do?!?
Did you know SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus? Did you know “tuba” is also an acronym?
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Edit: good lord, I didn’t know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.
Can I play World War Z without having played World War A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X and Y before? /r/ShouldIbuythisgame/com…
We all need some octopuns in our life
Why’s “U” used as the symbol for Potential Energy?
Because “U” have a lot of potential!
From what state in the U.S. most computers come from?
More U.S. Presidents were born in Virginia than any other state.
I guess you could say it's a Prez dispenser.
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...