Got my wife with a hand

So I found this toy hand that was all alone on the couch, it looked like it came off a Woody doll or something. So I put it in my pocket and waited for the perfect moment to strike.

About 30 minutes later, my wife is holding our 9 month old who's crying - jackpot.

I walk in the kitchen, "Hey, can I give you a hand?"

Pulled out the hand. She liked it. I walked away very proud of myself.

πŸ‘︎ 170
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πŸ‘€︎ u/achilles57
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2016
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Classic dad joke

I work in the toys department at a local store, and everything has recently been marked down to clearance prices due to new items coming in within the next few weeks.

Cue a dad and his six year old daughter. The little girl has a little bit of a southern drawl. The dad says to pick out something on clearance, and she can maybe get it. So little girl proceeds to pick up everything on clearance and announce "This is clearance!" Over and over and over again.

Finally, little girl picks up a Barbie doll and, once again, announces "this is clearance!" Well, to me and the dad, it sounds like she is saying Clarence. So the dad snaps into full on dad joke: "hi Clarence, I'm dad." I laughed out loud and the dad started cracking up too, the daughter confused at the joke.

TL;DR, Southern drawl six year old clearance shopping, making clearance sound like Clarence, dad snaps, "hi Clarence, I'm dad"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobsbestgame
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
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It's what's for dinner

While my girls were playing with their new doll house, they were making their dolls say they were hungry.

Me: * grabs toy dog and toy BBQ. Places dog on grill *

Oldest: what are you doing? That's not very nice.

Me: we're having * lifts lid off Bbq * hot dogs!

Wife: * rolls eyes *

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrainAss
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
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My dad said this one to me the other day...

Dad: "You know those tickle-me-elmo dolls they sell at toy stores?"

Me: "Yeah I've seen them, why?"

Dad: "Well, did you know that before they leave the warehouse, each doll gets two test tickles?"

Me: "Um, that's weird....ohhhh" facepalms and walks away

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YooHoss
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
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