I entered the national rage competition after being told I was easily angered, but lost to a guy who was much angrier than me.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you’d get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
I got lost on my way to the store because I was...
I thought all the trees were broken when they lost their leaves this winter. They're starting to come back now though.
The best way to get in touch with your long lost relatives....
....is to win the lottery.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
I lost the clicker to my television, but I found it...
It was in some remote area
What did the fog say to his long lost friend the tree?
What did the taxidriver say, when he lost his Will to do his Job?
Please end My Chauffeuring!
While driving from Oklahoma to Illinois, I got lost on the way.
I've been in a state of Missouri ever since.
I got lost while driving my suicidal friend to the hospital.
I should have seen the signs.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert when one sees a tree draped in bacon. He yells “it’s a bacon tree” then runs to it and is shot up with bullets
It wasn’t a bacon tree it was a Ham Bush
What Happened To The Tree That Got Lost?
He took the wrong root and couldnt leaf
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
Did you hear about the man who lost his home and had to live on the streets?
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One cowboy sees a tree that’s draped in bacon. “A bacon tree ! We’re saved!” He says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets.
/r/Jokes/comments/i7puax/…
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"
Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.
Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"
And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
Since I moved to a plant based diet I lost touch with the fun guys.
I lost my wife to the sea.
She said I wasn't a shore thing,
According to a survey, the favourite film of most hipsters is “Raiders of the Lost Ark”.
It’s the first Indie movie.
What holiday do we celebrate in May to remember all the mothers we lost in the past year?
I've lost my mind due to the virus panic, but who knows ...
maybe it's just in my head.
The irony of using floss to remove previously used floss is not lost on me.
And that's the tooth of the matter.
Did you hear about the soldier who lost one foot in a battle, and fought on, only to lose his other foot as well?
A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before."
So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.
As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"
The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.
Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.
So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.
The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".
So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.
But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"
I lost my sweatpants, so I wore a pair of jeans to the gym.
What did the General who lost both his arms, use to fight his wars?
A man lost his keys in the supermarket, so when he returned to his car, he just rubbed his ass against it
He was wearing khaki trousers
As I get older and remember all the people I've lost along the way, I think to myself...
"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"
I lost the sex toy the other day, it was a real pain in the ass to find it.
I lost the blueprints to my honey farm
Unfortunately i didnt have a plan bee
1 boy was named trouble and the other was called shutup. One day trouble got lost so shutup went to the police station and said ‘I lost my brother’. The police said ‘what is your name’ ‘shutup’ the police said ‘what did you say to me’ ‘shutup’. The police said ‘are you looking for trouble’ ‘yep’
My cat, "description", lost her tail recently. I had to give the vet a detailed description.
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
I thought all the trees were broken when they lost their leaves this winter. They're starting to come back now though.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance....
I lost my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over
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