Why does it take a Veteran three times to mute the television?
Every time they push the button on the remote they think Sound Off, one two, Sound Off, three four, Sound Off one two three four, one two, three FOUR.
(Army Veteran here, no disrespect intended fellow brothers and sisters.)
Flip flops are fun. Every time you take a step....
....it's like a high five for your foot.
I'm bothered by lazy geologists who don't take the time to correctly identify rocks...
Sometimes they take this schist for granite.
What do you call it when a teacher watches his class as they take a test and plays online poker at the same time?
Every time I travel to a new city, I like to take a picture of myself in front of the tomes of books...
I just have to take shelfies!
If you are visiting Rome, be forewarned: it might take you a long time to get out of the city.
All their roads seem to have this weird design flaw.
Every time I take pictures of wheat fields
...they always come out grainy.
On Saturday, my son confronted me about why I spend time with him on only 1 day of the week, but I spend time with his sister every other day. I told him that I would take him to the movies tomorrow, and he asked if it was 'just because he asked'.
I told him, 'no, because it's Son Day'.
That’s it, I’ve observed long enough!! Now it’s time to take:
What do you call a caveman who takes his time?
Every time we went somewhere to eat, my father would close the menu and say, “I’ll take a turtle soup...
and make it snappy”.
I hated eating anywhere with him, now I think it’s funny. Help, I’m turning into my father.
It’s time I take this to the second hand shop
Now that I have more time, I’ve decided to take care of my health and eat a more balanced diet.
I haven’t dropped any food so far!
I take my time when choosing a diaper cream...
I don't want to make a quick, rash decision!
What do you call 100 rabbits in a straight line that take a step back at the same time?
DadProTip: When you back out of a parking space, be sure to say "Thiiiis takes me back" every time your kids are in the car.
Take your time to get all of these
I wanted to cook chicken for dinner, but I forgot to take it out of the freezer ahead of time.
It wasn’t a well thawed out plan.
It takes time to develop a web browser
Chrome wasn't built in a day.
My first job was telling golfers how much time a scratch player should take to complete a hole on the golf course...
My first-time pregnant wife asks "why does it take so long for me to warm up?"
Without missing a beat I responded, "because you're heating for two now."
I then proceeded to laugh at my own joke. I feel like I'm prepared for my future as a dad.
Everyday I like to take a little bit of time just kind of set it aside and forget about it
That way by the end of the year I'll have a few days to myself
Every day I like to take a little bit of time,kinda set it aside,and forget about it...
That way,by the end of the year,I'll have a few days to myself.
My son isn't keen on getting his haircuts. Every time I take him to the barber's, he questions why he needs his hair cut so often, while I never seem to need mine.
Today, I finally told him, "Because my hair falls out by itself."
I didn't have the heart to say, "You'll understand when you grow up."
It was about the only time male pattern baldness made sense to me.
My friend takes time off work to go dig for water in drought stricken areas.
He has a well paying job.
Every time my friend goes to a temple, he takes a nap.
A man was downsized from his job for the third time in 2 years so he decided to take up horse breeding.
He heard it was a stable job.
Every time someone is taking a picture for my dad he hands them his iphone and says "feel free to take several, I have plenty of film."
When's the best time to take a bath?
Writing about time travel takes a lot of creativity...
You have to think outside the clocks!
You guys have been great but it's time to take a break
for the rest of the year.
Let's all take time to remember a classic.
Whenever someone would say something bad (but true)about Dad, and he would respond with an insulted tone "Hey! I represent that!"
Next time I take my daughter to get yearly check up, I'm keeping my mouth shut
As I approached the counter at my 8 year old's clinic, the nurse asks "are you here for an appointment?" I replied without hesitation & confusion "umm, no my daughter is". The blank stare was enough.
Every time I go to take a piss...
"Don't take a piss, leave a piss"
My dad EVERY TIME he goes to take a shower....
> "Alright guys, I'm taking a shower. Anyone have to use the bathroom? Speak up now or forever hold your pee."
> *Smiles*
Every time I go back to my parents house and am asked to take the bins out.
Me: Where's your bin?
Dad: On holiday.
Me: No where's your wheelie bin?
Dad: I wheelie been on holiday!
Every time someone takes more than 10 minutes in the bathroom
Every time we take a road trip
Driving past a cemetery
Dad: Hey do you know why the have a fence up around the cemetery?
Me: No Dad, why?
Dad: Because people are dying to get in there! Ha!
Dad: But anyway do you know how many people are dead in there?
Me: I'm not really sure, 500?
Dad: All of them!
-_-
Every day I like to take a little time,just kinda set it aside,and forget about it.
That way,by the end of the year,I'll have a few days to myself!
Every time I take a shower...
QB: "Hey, do you need to use the bathroom? I'm going to take a shower."
Dad: "Where are you taking it?" cackles
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