What is the best dad joke of all time?
My husband has loved dad jokes since before he became a dad, please let me know the best ones you’ve got!
My boss said “This is the fifth time this week you’ve been late for work. Do you know what that means?”
[Real joke from real dad] I'm in the hospital on a liquid only diet for a long time, and my dad sends me: You know who else is on a liquid only diet?
Vampires! And for their whole life!
10/10 dad, my guy has reached peak fatherhood with that.
This is my shitty recreation of an amazing pun I saw here a long time ago (unfortunately I can't remember the author)
My oldest one is off to college and it’s time for him to pick a degree
Now we’re a 74F family but now that he’s on his own and pays his own bills he can go hotter or colder because I’m open-minded and raised him to think for himself
What is sixty minutes in cat time?
A meowr
My kid was super proud of this one.
Therapist: "I think it's time to stop pleasing people and saying Yes all the time. From now on you must say NO. Is it OK ?"
Patient: " euh, hem ... ! "
What is the most groundbreaking invention of all time?
Does your toddler ever fight you when it’s nap time? Here is a solution for you. Threaten them with jail…
Why pediatrician is angry all the time?
He has very little patients.
What is it called when a bird travels back in time and meets itself?
This is the joke my three-year-old daughter came up with after I told her the classic Chicken Crossing the Road joke for the first time.
Why did the hen leave her nest and babies? >!To get a drink of water.!<
One hen said to the other hen, "What time is it?"
The other hen responded, "It is nine o'cluck."
It is getting to, what can be, a difficult time of the year for many. If anyone is alone at Christmas, please let me know.
I need to borrow some chairs.
I dyed my hair blonde yesterday, and this is my first time posting on this sub
It's true what they say.
Blondes have more puns.
At what time is it proper for a child to sleep?
Why is every number below 0 having a rough time
It’s all negatives for them
I said to my son, "I need a battery so I can tell the time." He asked, "Is it for a clock?" I answered...
"I don't know! That's why I need the battery!"
The actual world record for time spent aboard a marine vessel is held by a feline passenger.
He did it in a catamaran.
What time is your dentist appointment?
Now that inflation is so high.. yesterday I opened my electric bill and water bill at the same time
What time is it when you poop?
Two turdy!
(Got a sympathy chuckle from my 5 year old, and my wife told me I had to post it. I didn’t even think it was my best joke 🤷)
What is cold and hot at the same time?
Now that thanksgiving is over, it’s time to return to my job at the coffee shop.
People here keep saying 6:30 is the best time hands down
But I think 7:22 is almost right
I can't believe it's been more than 100 years since Einstein proved time is relative.
Feels just like yesterday.
What time is it when an elephant sits on a bed?
Time to get a new bed.
(Same can be said for your mom)
What is it called when a Russian leader is wasting time?
Once upon a time there was a King who is only 12 inches tall
He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler
Your first time is like a box of chocolates
You finish so much faster them you thought
What is a dentist favorite time of day?
A time traveler asked a man: What year is it?
The man answered: 100 BC, why?
My son asked if now is a good time to open a savings account
I said, "That would make cents."
How does Bigfoot know what time it is?
By looking at his Sasquatch.
What is the best time to go to the dentist?
What is the greatest animal of all time?
At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away...
A whim away, a whim away.
What is it called when two mummies fart at the same time?
Q: When is it time to go to the dentist?
A penguin is interviewing a hawk who made it big time as a helicopter pilot...
The penguin asks, "Can you tell us how you got your start?"
"Well," explains the hawk, "I used to work for an aerial photography outfit, Hawk Air."
"And that's how you got into piloting?"
"No, then I got a degree in philosophy."
"Philosophy!" exclaims the penguin. "How do you get from philosophy to piloting?"
"It's quite simple, really," nods the hawk sagely. "My professor told me what to do with my life. Post Hawk Air, go Copter Hawk."
A mathematician specialised in topology is having a hard time with his profession, as he bad with probability distributions.
He tries to manipulate church bells into the shape of a Gaussian distribution but he doesn't get the bell curve
What is the best time on the clock?
6:30 is the best time on the clock,
6:30 is the best time on a clock
6:30 is my favorite time.
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