Think of the children Puns

"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"

I'll most likely just buy them a bed instead.

It was a party mostly with parents and their children.

A kid (about 5 years old) stubbed his toe and started crying.

One of the dads said, “Oh, you stubbed your toe? Want to to call the toe truck?”

I know it’s not fresh, but I laughed my ass off and was slightly bitter that I didn’t think of it.

We were at the dinner table with my adult children and my son said he was teaching his physics class the concept of simple machines. He had given the class a brief intro about their usefulness and how they can be found everywhere. Then he asked the students to come up with all the examples they could think of.

My daughter, barely containing herself to wait for a pause in the conversation, said with only the slightest of grins, "So the lesson would be 50 ways to love your lever?"

My dadness has been passed on. Nothing left for me to do here.

My sister teaches at a high school for children with learning and behavior disorders, and every year she hosts a skills summer camp.

2015 will be geology-themed, and we need help thinking of a fun name for the camp.

Previous years: 2014 Summer Scenarios: Little Egypt (Egyptian themed) 2013 Summer Scenarios (first year had no kitchy name, but it was zombie-themed)

Potential examples: Stone Throne, Rock Steady, Taken for Granite, etc.

During the live-in camp (boarding school), they'll learn survival/outdoorsmanship skills (fire starting, gardening, canoeing, etc.), and have geologists as guest speakers.

Any high school learning-friendly geology-themed blockbusters would be welcome suggestions, too--but I'll post that for the people over at /r/movies.

Thanks in advance!

Edit: Thanks to everyone who actually gave appropriate suggestions, and high-fives to those who just made rock puns. My sister selected Game of Stones.

I live in South Carolina, sort of near the coast, and Hurricane Florence is headed this way. My two youngest children--total cowards--were helping me clear out all of the storm drains and curb gutters on our street to help the expected 10-20 inches of rain drain as best they can. Any time any insect flies past them, they scream bee and run away screaming. I'm talking like they're afraid of butterflies. My youngest says that Winter is her favorite season because all the bees are dead.

So, we finish up, and I go inside ahead of them, making them put the shovels away, and I hear, from inside, them running and crying/shrieking across the front porch and inside the house.

My youngest, amidst her sobs, says, "It was as big as a baseball" and holds the one I keep on my desk up for comparison.

I think make the B sign in ASL with both of my hands, stand up and say "BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ" at them while they run away in fear, and when the middle child says, "THAT'S NOT FUNNY" I keep moving towards them with my B hands while saying, "DO YOU WANT ME TO JUST LET YOU BEE? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I'm a great dad.

So my mom was collecting the laundry and goes up to my dad and was like, "Give me your clothes."(Referring to any dirty clothes he had.) [My sister and I were also in the same room.]

My dad looks at my mother with this scared look and says, "In front of the children? I don't think I'm entirely comfortable with this."

A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later she wakes up and asks about her baby. The doctor informs her that they were born healthy, twins, a boy and a girl. He informs her that the uncle of the children named them, and the mother is distraught. Knowing what an idiot he is, she asks what he named the daughter. The doctor said Denise. She thinks "Well, not so bad," and asks what he named the son... the doctor replies denephew.

In class we were talking about different ceremonies about "becoming a man". The story goes that a tribe in Peru sends nine 15 year olds into the woods for three days and each has to collect a different item. After the time is up the tribe beats drums to call the boys back. When they return the shaman lays them in a circle around the fire heads pointing inwards and begins to heat up a spear. After The metal is red hot they begin to cut out and remove the boys kidneys. Of course my class asked "why?!" Mind you we are taking this story as notes. He looks at as dead in the face and says "The culture believes they will receive their adultneys" Tl;Dr cuts out children's kidneys because they think they will grow adultneys.

Whenever me and my siblings would go to McDonald's or something with my mom.

"Drive-thru person: Here's your food, do you need anything else?

Mom: No thanks, I think we're fine!

Drive-thru person: Would you like a cupholder?

Mom: No thanks, I brought my brought my own! nods her head in our direction"

Followed by the groans of her 4 embarrassed children in the back seat.

Sat down with my kids to share wonderful lunch my wife prepared for this cold day. Took a bite and spit it out, "what is this!? It's cold!"

I think I've risen to so immortality in the eyes of my children.

I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize! Why would anyone pick on you?!"