A list of puns related to "They Call It Murder"
We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyoneās advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think itās a boy and girl but I donāt actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
Why couldnāt the witch have children? Her husband had a hallow weenie.
Which ghost is the best dancer? The Boogie Man!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
For Halloween Iām going to write āLifeā on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers
This Halloween, the only Candy Iām interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
āHalloweenā = an excuse for girls to dress up like sluts.
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
Iāll be your trick if youāll be my treat.
How do Rednecks celebrate Halloween? Pump kin!
When do ghouls and goblins cook their victims? On Fry Day
Whatās a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
What do you call a dancing ghost? Polka-haunt-us
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A āhollow-weenie!ā
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost (goes).
How do you write a book about halloween? With a ghostwriter.
Iām going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always doā¦ by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely,
Two monsters went to a Halloween party. Suddenly one said to the other, āA lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?ā The other monster replied, āBe a gentleman and roll them back to her.
The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something youāre not will lead to a sweet reward.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, itās Election night.
I want to be something really scary for Halloween this year so Iām dressing up as a phone battery at 2%.
Why dident the skeleten go to the halloween party? Becuse he had no body to go with.
What did the bird say on Halloween? Trick or tweet!
What do Italianās eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)
Why canāt the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when theyāre hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!
What do ghosts eat for supper? Spooketi
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope itās Halloween!!
What is the most important subject a witch learns in school? Spelling.
How does every Russian joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
Whats the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn? Ā Nothing, theyāre both fictional characters
Whatās meant by an exchange opinions in the Communist party of the Soviet Union? Ā Itās when I come to a party meeting with my own opinion, and I leave with the partyās.
What do you call a Russian with Touretteās Syndrome? Ā Yukanol Fukov.
What is 150 yards long and eats potatoes? Ā A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat.
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada Userās Manual? Ā The bus and train timetables.
What is Communism? Ā The Poles say itās the longest and most painful of the roads to capitalism.
What do you call a gassy russian? Vladimir Tootin
What is the fastest country in the world? A: Russia
What do you call a Lada on a hill? Ā A bloody miracle.
What did Wendi Murdoch say to Vladimir Putin? Ā Put-it-in!
What did the Russian people light their houses with before they started using candles? Ā Electricity.
Did you hear about the winner of the Russian beauty contest? Me neither.
When was the first Russian election held? Ā The time that God set Eve in front of Adam and said, āGo ahead, choose your wife.ā
Russia really Putin a lot of work for the Winter Olympics
I hate Russian dolls. Theyāre so full of themselves.
America: Hey Ivan..Ā Russia: da..Ā America: what do you call a gassy Russian..Ā Russia: hoe donāt-..Ā America: Vladimir Tootin..Ā Russia: ! Ā Ā America: !!..Ā Russia: fuck you.
Me: Netflix and chill more like NYET-flix and chill..Ā Closetcellist: in a russian accent NO FILMS. ONLY CHILL.
So you want to tell meā¦ Hilbert was Russian to the loud noise?
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: āWhat is the difference between Russian and English fairy tales?ā Weāre answering: āThe English fairy tale start with āOnce upon a timeā¦ā, and ours with āIt will be soonā¦
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: āWhy some people say that Hungarians love the Russians and hate the Americans?ā Weāre answering: āBecause Russians helped Hungarians to get rid of one totalitarian rule, but Americans donāt help to get rid of the other.ā
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: āWhy Lenin wore regular shoes, but Stalin wore boots?ā Weāre answering: āAt Leninās time, Ru
... keep reading on reddit ā”They called it murder on Zidaneās floor.
My whole family is very, very white.
So my brother and I are at an NHL hockey game. I forget who was playing. My brother and I had gone to get some snacks are where trying to get my dads attention. We called his name, we waved, we screamed, we screeched, and nothing would get his attention. Finally we determined that we get his attention by calling the pet name he used for us when we were getting into mischief.
... 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... COTTONPICKER!!!
At that moment 3 huge black guys turned around. I wondered for a second why they looked like they wanted to murder us. I had never actually parsed the word cottonpicker before; but in the second second I did. Took till the third second until I realized the rascist connotations of that term, and why 3 huge black guys might have some ill will towards us for screaming it so flippantly. I can only imagine how my 13 year old eyes looked as I processed this information. By the forth second I had grabbed my brother and we were running. We didn't stop for 10 minutes. We couldn't go back to our seats for the whole game since these guys were sitting right behind us.
After the game I let my father know how pissed at him I was.
TLDR: Dads don't have rascist pet names for your kids; you may get them killed.
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