How did the jousting knight keep track of his horse when he was sleeping?
With his survey-lance
I created this joke personally and I know it's terrible.
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︎ Nov 03 2021
I saw Usain Bolt sprinting around the track shouting,Why did the chicken cross the road!?
π︎ 8
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︎ Nov 09 2021
Attaching train tracks to the ground
π︎ 5
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︎ Oct 20 2021
What did master Yoda say to the captain of the spaceship after he asked if it was on the right track?
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︎ Jul 30 2021
My friend was showing me her mixtape when the track changed from "Dust in the Wind" to "Hold the Line"...
I said "Hey, this sounds different. Are we still on the same band?"
She said "Toto. I don't think we're on Kansas anymore."
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︎ Aug 21 2021
How do you track Will Smith through the wilderness?
You just fallow the fresh prints.
π︎ 2
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︎ Sep 03 2021
During testing of a new version of Mars rover, a cat entered the test track and was run over. However, the cat was resuscitated when one staffer played a Benny Benassi hit track. A NASA representative has stated...
...that it was a pity that Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.
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︎ Jul 10 2021
If you kept track of all of the toffee bars you ate, would you use a Heath Ledger?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 10 2021
In track and field, why do they run the 1500 meters
π︎ 7
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︎ Jul 02 2021
I was looking for the sound track to Mortal Kombat
but all I could find was a bunch of Finnish Hymns.
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︎ Mar 12 2021
What is the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a girls track team?
The first is a cunning bunch of runts.
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︎ Jun 16 2021
Why does the architect crow have a bad track record in the building business?
Because the houses he leaves, are structurally in-caw-wrecked
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︎ Jun 05 2021
A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train.
A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train. When a train ran over its tail the monkey said, "It won't be long now!"
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 21 2021
At the beginning of the Common Era, people had no idea how to track years.
But then they did a complete 1 AD.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 29 2021
How did people in the ancient world keep track of how many people they made out with?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jan 20 2021
My boys were arguing about who would get to drive the go-kart around the track...
I told them, "You guys should take turns".
π︎ 11
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Apparently that new tropical storm is really hard to track. I keep seeing on the news TROPICAL STORM ETA
but they never say when itβll hit.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 05 2020
My wife asked how I keep track of all my dadjokes from Reddit. I told her that I write the ones I like on little yellow...
π︎ 18
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Dewey's doctor has been keeping track of all of his moles. The location and size of them. He's so thorough that he measures them all the way down to tenths.
He called it the Dewey deci-mole system..
π︎ 13
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I was racing with my younger brother on the track, and then he got mad that I didnβt draw a finish line marker on the sand. We kept racing but he kept losing, and at one point he got so mad he threw a tantrum and started hitting and punching and kicking me furiously
.....and thatβs when I drew the line.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 12 2020
How does the Battlestar Galactica track it's mileage?
π︎ 2
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︎ Jul 03 2020
This watermelon is from the wrong side of the tracks
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 12 2020
Especially if it's a good book that makes you lose track of the time
π︎ 117
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︎ Jul 25 2019
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces heβs visited?
π︎ 11
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︎ Dec 25 2019
Do you know why South Dakota has the best track teams?
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 07 2019
What do you call a knife that joins the track team?
π︎ 10
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︎ Jan 25 2020
Did you guys hear the joke that track and field kids always tell?
Yeah itβs kind of a running joke. The kids always throw it around. Everyone is quick to jump on an opportunity to tell it.
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︎ Mar 30 2019
Where did the Joker keep track of all his candy bars? In his Heath ledger.
π︎ 6
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︎ Feb 26 2019
Two people went on a hike and came across some tracks. One argued they were foxes and the other said they were a deers
They were still arguing when the train hit them tho π
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 13 2019
How does Peter Parker keep track of the number of arachnids in any given neighborhood?
He uses his spider census.
π︎ 44
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︎ Jul 02 2019
What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the railroad tracks?
It's won't be long now!
π︎ 4
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︎ Dec 05 2019
I once photographed a track team practice for the high school yearbook.
I guess you could call it timed laps photography.
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︎ Aug 27 2015
I keep track of the all the trees that grow in my local area in a book
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 19 2019
Three clowns and the tracks in the forest
Three clowns were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first clown said, βΒΒThose are deer tracks.βΒΒ
The second clown said, βΒΒNo, those are elk tracks.βΒΒ
The third clown said, βΒΒYouβΒΒre both wrong, those are moose tracks.βΒΒ
The clowns were still arguing when the train hit them.
https://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/three-clowns-and-the-tracks-in-the-forest/
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︎ Sep 25 2019
I built a support to prop up my planner that helps keep track of the news reports about the robbery of 3-foot measuring devices from a boat repair place in West Michigan...
It's my Georgetown Township Shipyard Yardstick Stickup Update Datebook Bookend.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 03 2018
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:
"......gneiss guys finish last."
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︎ Jul 05 2017
What's the difference between vinyl, 8-track, cds, cassettes, and mp3s ?
With vinyl everyone can be a record holder.
π︎ 5
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︎ May 30 2019
So I found this talking train and asked it why it just went back and forth on the same tracks for its whole life. It responded saying βthe voices in my head tell me toβ.
π︎ 9
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︎ Jul 30 2018
Tom Scott Joke: What do you call a timer set for when the title track of Europe's 1985 album will be played for the last time?
Its the final Final Countdown countdown.
π︎ 3
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︎ Nov 16 2018
What does the Joker use to keep track of his chocolate toffee bar expenses?
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 27 2017
I recently joined the track team...
we spent the car ride home talking about the famous world runners and their impressive times and such. When we got home my dad said:
Dad: "You know I'm actually a record holder myself"
Me: "Wait really? In what event?"
Dad runs downstairs and comes back up with the biggest grin on his face, and holding a box of vinyl records
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︎ Dec 21 2013
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints!
π︎ 18
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︎ Aug 12 2021
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?
π︎ 92
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︎ Mar 30 2021
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
π︎ 13
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︎ Nov 18 2019
You know why South Dakota has the best track teams?
π︎ 9
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︎ Aug 07 2019
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