The Staircase Puns

“That just sounds like leaping off ledges with extra steps”

That well escalated quickly!

Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.

I am many steps ahead of you.

You need to step it up.

I thought: "that's a condescending con descending"

She had a step child

It didn’t go down well

It's a step by step guide

Escaladors.

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

The builders have finished my staircase

I can hear him panting on the staircase.

So my dad and I are sitting upstairs in the living room while my mom is exercising by running up and down the staircase. He looks at me and goes "Watch this"

Dad yells: "Running down the stairs isn't a good work out"

Mom, stopping midway up: "OK, so what should I do?"

Dad: "Only run UP the stairs!"

Mom: "...Idiot"

Fiancé and I are walking down the stairs when I say something silly and she hits me.

Me: ASSAULT!

She stops in the middle of the staircase and throws back her head in a disgusted sigh...

Her: Go ahead... Say it...

Me: A PEPPER!!!

Edit: was supposed to be "Dad Joked".. Somehow it autocorrected to "Dada"...

I get up too early to drive my wife to work everyday, and this morning I bumped into the hallway of our apartment complex as we walked to the staircase...

Wife: "Make sure you open your eyes before you get to the stairs."

Me: "Don't worry; I always have my eyes open when I stare."