Me and my son were going to a store and he pointed something out. A person in a cloak. He said that they looked shady. I asked if they were fat he said no so then I replied so they’re the real slim shady
You might say the front fell off.
“Bad car ma.”
Egypt me, but I was starving so I ate it anyway. Now I falafel.
He pointed to the coffee table where we have a bag of candy and said "M&M!!!"
Guess I have to call him Slim Shady from now on...
I spent Valentine's Day eating my meat.
Bubble rap.
She wanted the milk, the whole milk, and nothing but the milk.
Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."
"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"
Slim shady
Glad I got that one under my belt.
Picture it. June, 1971. London.
Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Carl Palmer are celebrating the release of their album Tarkus at the Seven Stars Pub.
Very quickly, both ELP and their BACs are riding high.
Nothing can spoil this evening.
Enter King Crimson, their bitter rivals in experimental jazz-fusion symphonic rock.
A chill hits the air, but they manage some level of civility.
Fripp even manages to put aside his seething anger at Lake for defecting to Emerson's new project and stands a round for all.
It's unclear exactly when Hawkwind arrives, but the strained emotions soon give way to genuine cheer and good will.
Lemmy, their basist at the time, could have that effect on people.
Unfortunately, he also later looks directly at Lake, points at Fripp and company and asks, "Waren't you wiv his lot?"
The police report explains that the ensuing fracas lasted for about 30 minutes at caused at least £4,500 (£56,604.93 in 2021, or $78,480.75) in damages, several broken bones and uncounted stiches.
The scrum finally calms down after Peter Gabriel, who was [throwing darts](https://darthelp.com/articles/the-history-of-darts/#:~:text=M
... keep reading on reddit ➡After I saw the tree I said “I agree, the tree looks like he’s about to do something shady”
I was putting spray-on sunscreen onto my (not slim) belly and my daughter, seeing the can and not remembering the correct word said, "hey, it's just like grafatty!). I couldn't stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. I will never be able to put sunscreen on without thinking of that again.
The kids were probably around 8-12 years old. They all go the sweet aisle and start looking at the chocolate etc. The father picks up a bag of M&Ms and says to his kids:
"Hey, want some Slim Shadys?"
They give him a funny look. He looks again and notices that they're 2 for £1.
"50 Cent for some Eminems? That's Ludacris!"
Cue another look from the kids.
"I'll pay for them though, it's no Biggie."
I'll admit, I chuckled.
So my family and I were clothes shopping and when we got in the car afterwards, my mom said that something smelled like sweat. My dad turns and says, "well, ChikaChikaSlimShady just bought a sweatshirt!"
What do you call a fitness instructor who moonlights as an action hero?
Jason Stay-thin
What do you call a music artist who works out and is a bit of a creep?
Slim Shady
I'm starting to think that the driver who said he'll "deliver me" was a bit shady.
In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:
-
Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.
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Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.
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Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.
Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.
In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.
It was the middle of the day during Texas summer and my dad pointed at a stick of a tree and asked, "So, is that a Slim Shady?"
Driving my mother around the kind of shady part of my neighborhood to get to bedbathandbeyond, and she notices all the body shops sprinkled everywhere.
She asks, "why are there so many mechanics out here?"
Then I go, "because when people have car problems, they always check the hood first."
my mom didn't get it :[
But after looking online at pictures & looking at the area I decided against it because the whole place looked shady.
For the record, my dad didn't say any of these. Also, they get kind of weird near the end.
My vacuum sucks, or, rather, doesn't suck.
That drawing looks sketchy. Something about it looks... shady.
Lightbulb is a smart guy. Some might even say he's bright.
"Mmm, cheesy" he says as he takes the macaroni out of the oven.
When entering a planetarium, my father mentioned how he'd like some cookies with his Milky Way.
Oreolas = cookie nipples (Couldn't really think of a way to set this one up that didn't make it even more awkward.)
"Underwear? Under there?" My dad mentioned as he put his pants away.
Edit: If you've any others, share them in the comments!
The Real Swim Shady
mom: "we should cross the street to stay out of the sun."
me: "I don't know, that side of the street looks kind of shady."
I said "You shouldn't go out in public like that. You would look shady." No one responded. I apologized for the lame joke. I tell lame jokes like this all the time and that might have been the last straw. What do I do? Help.
Driving through the shady part of a a city
See a building that just says 'Topless' on it. Tap my wife's shoulder, point to it and say:
"That's weird, it has a roof"
Why? The sky is clear, there's no chance of a storm or lightning.
I don't know really, they just look kind of shady to me.
Walking with the wife this morning and saw someone quickly walking away from a front yard with his hood up and carrying a young palm tree. It was about 4 ft tall with its leaves and branches well over the guy's head. Palm trees can be expensive, so we thought this guy was stealing it. The wife said, "huh, that's a little suspicious." I corrected her: "yeah, that guy looked a little shady." Now I walk alone.
We were sitting around the dinner table talking about buying some trees to plant in the lawn this fall.
Dad says: "We need some thug trees."
We all give him a puzzled look and ask what on earth he means by that.
His reply: "I hear they're very shady."
After the fasting you become even more muSlim
and it showed an artist sketch of a person that had been robbing some local corner stores. The sketch had a dude in a snow cap and sunglasses.
I didn't catch the first half of the story and asked what he was wanted for.
His response..."I guess he was looking kinda shady." and then gave me that little dad joke smile.
My wife went to weightwatchers early yesterday because from her experience the first meeting of the new year is always crowded with people resolved to lose weight in the new year. She was surprised to find that not many people were there. I said "so it was a slim crowd at weightwatchers?"
Talking with my Mom and Step-Dad about how their friend is in the lamp shade business.
Me: "How does someone get into selling lamp shades? That's pretty random."
Step-Dad: "I don't know but I heard it's a pretty shady business."
cue groans.
Slim Shady
