I asked the mother if it was hard giving birth to two babies in one day.
She looked me dead in the eyes with a straight face and said, pointing at her husband, "not really. I had one and he had the other"
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
She was checking me out!
“I must have taken Lief off my census”.
I said "No thanks, I prefer women toes."
She's my check mate.
and not moving. "So uh, what's the deal with the dead turtle?" he asks. The barkeep perks up, "Dead? you say? I'll have you know that this is the fastest turtle on Earth!" "In fact, I have fifty dollars that say **this** turtle can beat **you** to the other side of the room!" The man looks at the motionless turtle and says, "Alright - Your on!" "on the count of three" says the bartender. "one" "two" "three!" and he picks up the turtle and throws it across the room.
They cited Eminem Domain.
I guess his story didn't check out
It was counter intuitive.
Dad doesn't miss a beat and replies, "no, just leave it in the jug." I almost died.....
She owed four pennies:
Her: "I have four cents! -rummaging through purse-"
Me: "Actually, you were born also with a fifth sense."
Cue eye roll. Not the best work but it gave me a chuckle
and I notice these big 200 pack containers of Tic Tacs, so I point them out to my dad and say "look, that is intense."
And my dad says back, "That's not intense, that's on a shelf!"
I was ringing out a son and father at the register. I tell him his total is "seven forty seven" and the father replies "I didn't buy a plane!" and looks at his son to get a quick laugh, but his son wasn't having any of it. Meanwhile, I'm trying to hold my laughter because i know this is a typical dad joke. But that's not the best part.
He swipes his credit card and reads the credit card reader out loud, "Sign Below". He ends up writing "BELOW" as his signature and says out loud to me and his son "It told me to sign 'Below' and so I did". His son responds with "Dad you are so embarrassing" and I'm chuckling out loud cuz I've never seen anyone do that the 3 years I've worked there lol
TL;DR Dad writes "Below" as his signature because he took it literally as any days would.
