How do guards decide who the best prisoner is?

They hold a con-test.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/morsodo99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2020
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What do you call a smart-ass prisoner falling down the stairs ?

A condescending con descending.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 75
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/joe4645
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 20 2020
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Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.

After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.

The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.

The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2020
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Here about the prisoner who makes good cocktails? He's behind bars now!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wrong-Flamingo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2019
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What happened when the prisoner hit his head?

Con cussed.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigmanbabyboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2020
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What do you call the vitamins they make prisoners take?

Mandatory minerals

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TacoPi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2020
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An escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods ....

.... it was a clear case of criminal in tent.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 167
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MrNakamura
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 16 2019
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A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period.

It marks the end of his sentence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 323
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/geomads
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 06 2018
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"Just take the prisoners below." the warden condescended.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/timoth3y
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2019
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I saw a smug prisoner walking down the staircase...

I thought: "that's a condescending con descending"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/judethedude781
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2019
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What did the death row prisoner request as his final meal?

Lifesavers

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bdub_7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2019
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The date of a prisoner's freedom should be called a period

because it's the end of their sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gamgam777
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2019
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What do you call a midget prisoner climbing down the fence around the facility?

A little condescending

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PFC-Snowflake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 08 2019
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The prisoner said snooty things as he repelled down the wall to escape

Very condescending

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2019
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How did the Iranian prisoners escape the capital? Tehran away.

I know what you're thinking, "Oman, that joke was Shiite, can't you joke about Sunni else?" I could, or you Kuwait until I'm finished. Do I have more? Yemen, but Israeli not that many. I write them down though... I store them in Iraq. Or for transport I store them I'm my bag, Dad. (Pretend you're my dad.)

Edit: Minor detail (Quatar you doing, man!)

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04 2017
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Why did the warden give laundry soap to departing prisoners?

As a detergent against future grime.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/johngreenink
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2018
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Did you hear about the prisoner who escaped after dismantling his cell?

They're calling it self defence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SilentIntrusion
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2019
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Why did the pirate make his prisoner walk the plank?

He didn’t have a dog.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jerrysmith815
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 09 2019
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An escaped prisoner was captured down at the docks.

They were harboring a fugitive.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 366
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2016
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Why did the prisoner try to stab the other prisoner?

He wanted to be more shivalrous.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Sr_ChalupaBatman
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 20 2018
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I’m watching the Parole Board interview a prisoner with a really bad stammer.

It’ll be a while before he finishes his sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2018
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Did you hear about the party held by escaped prisoners?

I heard it was off the chain!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChicagoJazzClub1967
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2017
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The prisoner sneered at the guards as he escaped over the prison wall...

He gave them a con descending look.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/muneuf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2015
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Upon seeing the preview for "Prisoners"

"Don't mess with Hugh Jackman. He's got those long nails. And I hear he went to Michigan! Har ar ar ar ar..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gonorrhea69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 01 2013
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What do you call a mean old prisoner walking down the stairs?

Con descending

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Khitty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 14 2018
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What do you call a midget prisoner climbing down the prison walls?

A little condescending

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PFC-Snowflake
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 28 2018
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