A list of puns related to "The Nightmare"
Doctors are calling it stalk home syndrome.
Edit: You folks are way too generous. Thanks a lot.
Tiiimmmmmmbbeeerrrrrrr-ton
Therapist: Iβm glad that you are finally battling your Damons.
Therapist: Tell me why
He was scared sheetless.
It's plumb crazy, but I have pipe dreams!
A screamie dreamie.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4stjtt/customers_of_restaurants_thats_appeared_on_gordon/d5c5il9?context=1
Does that make a fart a nightmare of the stomach?
Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"
Man doesn't laugh
Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."
No response
Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"
Nothing
Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"
Doesn't crack a smile
Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"
Clown starts to get nervous
Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"
Blank look
Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"
Yawn
Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"
Annoyed
Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"
grasping at straws
Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"
He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"
Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"
It was an Absolut nightmare! I am glad to have woken and seen the world and Skyy again...
The Nightmares of a Knight's Mare.
The owners said it was a real nightmare
I'm starting a blog as a disabled writer consisting of anecdotal posts about the funny, but unusual circumstances my disability and wheelchair put me in. Any names that come to mind? Particularly fond of blogs titles like Laughing at My Nightmare and Bag Lady Moma. I'm in a wheelchair and have 24/7 care, my disability is Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)... go as wild as you like
He went to his dad and said I had a nightmare. So the dad said tell me about it. Well I was on a train full of bombs. It was freight-ening
Caw the Cawps!
Backstory - my daughter woke up this morning telling me about her nightmare - I was driving her down a road, and kept running over crows in the road, she would look back and would see crows mourning over their friends. We had to keep driving back and forth through the same road because we kept forgetting something at home, along the way running over more crows.
I told her this joke, she didn't think it was too funny. My other daughter thought it was funny though. Now she keeps walking around saying "Caaaaw the caaaaaawps" in a high crowy voice. I'll regret telling her the joke by the end of the day.
So every night for the past almost 6 years I sing her the Sunshine Song
You know, "you are my Sunshine, my only sunshine."
And after a few years I got tired of it and would start songs from the nightmare before Christmas (because I'm a big elfman nerd) and Part of your world (because I'm completely obsessed with singing out of key chick verses and the little mermaid is dope af) but she would SCREAM anytime I started anything that wasn't the Sunshine song, I love this, so I go on for a couple bars while she's screaming then calm her down and sing the right song. To be fair, she likes the I'm On The Outside by boingo, so I belt that too. Although it's only acceptable in the car.
Now here I want to add that in the description of the event I will place a * where she interrupts me and the words immediately after that * will be her words.
Ok, so she's in bed just now and I said What song do you want me to sing?
Obvs sunshine dude.
So I start with the "look at this stuff, isn't it neat?"
And she's not screaming, she has a smile on her face so my mind is like "did she become ok with this, can I finally sing a different song than sunshine and eponas song?" So I keep going thinking that I finally won.
I get to the line, "Fliiping your fins, you won't get too **fart!"
I'm fucking dead this kid played me like a fiddle.
Someone call 911 I'm ded
Funniest horse puns and jokes
A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: βHey, weβve got a whisky named after you.β The horse replies: βWhat, George?β
A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. βEveninββ says the barman, βwhy the long face?β
A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: βWait you canβt come in here without a tie.βThe horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: βThis alright?β The barman says: βHmm, okβ¦ but donβt be starting anything.β
A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: βI shouldnβt really be drinking this with what Iβve got?β βWhy, what have you got?β βAbout Β£2 and a carrot.β
Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside Whatβs a horseβs favourite TV show? Neighbours
A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. βWill I be able to race this horse again?,β he asks The vet replies: βOf course you will, and youβll probably win!β
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
βIβm sorry, sir,β says the barman. βWe donβt serve spirits..
A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. βExcuse me, good sir,β the horse says, βare you hiring?β The manager looks the horse up and down and says, βSorry, pal. Why donβt you try the circus?β The horse nickers. βWhy would the circus need a bartender?β
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
What did the horse say when it fell? βIβve fallen and I canβt giddyup!β
Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horseβs name was Friday.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!
What did the horse say when it fell? Iβve fallen and I canβt giddyup!
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo
... keep reading on reddit β‘Him: I had a nightmare two weeks ago.
Class: what was it about?
Him: I thought I was a wigwam(A native American tent). In my dream i had people living inside of me. It was terrify, I broke out in a cold sweat. Then a few days later i had another nightmare, but this time I was a tepee. And again had people living inside of me. So i went to the doctor and the doctor told me "I was two tents"
I was listening to a show on the radio and they were talking about nightmare interviews. One person said they'd been asked by the interviewer what type of soup they would be if they were a soup. The discussion continued until this happened:
Host: So what are the other soups you work with like?
Other person: They're pretty SOUPer.
I have to say, it made me chuckle.
He was scared sheetless.
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