What is a stressful session at the nail salon called?
I went to a nail bar the other day...
A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun the other day.
He's okay. He's recovered now.
Im gonna name my son 'the nail'
So i can say 'i hit the nail on the head'
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
Why will orthodontists and nail salons be the first businesses to reopen?
Because they're fighting tooth and nail for it.
I hit the nail on the head
What did the framer say when he ran out of nails?
I was told to be sure to use the right nails for putting down trim in my house, but I can't find any.
At this point, I'm not even sure Finland makes nails!
I gave my son a simple job: nail down the floorboards.
Why the did hammer hit the nail through the wall.
To drive the point across.
When I went to get my prescription, I gave the tech an empty bottle to recycle or whatever. She said, some people like to keep the bottles to put nails and screws in...
I said I don't have too many loose screws.
She smiled.
How did Santa build a house at the North Pole without any nails?
iglooed it!
Bonus joke:
And he did it all by his elf!
What do the sun and nail polish remover have in common?
They can both make your acetone darker...
I got a nail in my tire coming home from the grocery store. My meat, milk, icecream... Absolutely ruined while waiting on a tow truck!
Should've bought asparagus
Why does the nail look bent?
What's the difference between a cat's nails and a comma?
One are claws at the end of paws and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
My dad just told me this, btw.
What kind of nails do they use in the rock and role hall of fame?
I took my cat to the vet today for a nail trim.
I guess you could say she got a peticure.
I drove right over a rusty nail in the middle of the road
My dad and I were riding our bicycles down the street when I ran over a nail.
"Well, time to retire my bike..."
I then proceeded to buy a new tire.
I went to the store to get some nails they asked me how long I wanted them
Why did the happy Office Clerk have really smooth nails?
An Asian friend told me, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down."
He hit the nail on the head.
How does the moon do his nails?
Why doesn't the Sun have long nails?
The girlfriend said she had to go file her nail because it was bothering her.
"Would that go under N for nail? Or M for Manicure?"
Took the dog to get his nails trimmed.
Told the wife, "Yea, I got him a PETicure".
Whoever invented the screw, really did nail it.
Mom was in the living room hammering a nail in the wall to hang a frame...
...and she says "I think I hit a stud."
My dad yells out from the kitchen "That's funny, I didn't feel anything!"
Top notch material at the Rusty Nail bar
On vacation in Cape May in New Jersey, and there is a bar called the Rusty Nail. Conversation went like this:
Me: "Oh look the Rusty Nail"
Dad: "Yeah let's go get HAMMERED at the Rusty Nail!"
Heard the sighs from inside the bar.
Talking to my Dad about the Nine Inch Nails upcoming concert...
Me: I'm going to go to this upcoming concert, have you heard of Nine Inch Nails?
Dad: Yeah, we used six inch nails to put up our fence.
My dad gave me a simple job: nail down the floorboards.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
