He was looking for a tight seal.
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
"Bargain" the man says.
"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."
The spacebar
He was exhibiting bad brie-havior
Egypt his tooth.
He’s my spirit guide.
Edit: Thanks guys.
I bet there would be hell toupee.
He was there to see a chicken strip
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
Because it’s FOR BIDEN
Too much inflation
Because it was a little sticky.
To the second hand shop
To get nice buns
Carrabba’s.
And he said, “Because your mother is always right.”
To protest the Unagi Ration.
He was having problems with his sin(x)s
She said, “Quit trying to make ‘fetch’ happen.”
Because they ban Ana.
She went to the Poles
They had nothing to go on.
Toothirty
Looks like we’ll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
For a crown.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
He likes a lot of spas
It already has like a million degrees!
For a clock.
I mean well.
It’s a real game changer
Because its P is silent.
'Cause the corner is 90 degrees.
2:30
It was our last resort...
Udder Chaos
Because there's an AC in DC.
(Someone improve this joke.)
Why are lamb chops a thing? Why do we have a food named after a baby animal?
Would you ever eat something called puppy steak? Or kitten burger? Or chick fillet?
oh wait.........
Credit goes to Matt from Studio C
To learn thyme management
Because it was feeling depressed.
I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.
