Got my gf good with this one just now... I showed her a picture of the Mexico City skyline and she said, "that's intense!"
I said no, I'm pretty sure they're all buildings.
Did you hear that a car full of garlic, ginger, and lemongrass ran a red light in the middle of the city, injuring tens of people?
It was a fragrant disregard for public safety.
Despite being tiny, the Republic of Ireland has the capital city with the highest population growth in the world...
Today, on the news, there was an incident in my town where a city bus lost control and landed on top of a house. No one was killed and the city is paying all passengers.
I guess you can say the bus ride was on the house.
What is the capital city of islamophobes?
A guy asked me, “so what brings you to the city?”
I said, “I dunno a plane? Sometimes I drive”
Mantra of the Kansas City Chiefs' defensive line
The Bucs Stop Here!
Edit: thank you for alerting me it's "bucs" not "bucks". My dad experience (4 months) is better than my football knowledge
When I was young I was a graffiti artist and had my name all over the city but as I got older I thought "This has to stop".
"The writing's on the wall."
One administrator of Cloud City struck a New Deal with the Empire: Franklin DeLando Roosevelt
The CEO of IKEA has been elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
He's currently assembling his cabinet.
True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
How do you determine the mass of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate
My two year old was playing cars and blocks with my wife, when she (the toddler) put a block on the road on her city map carpet and said:
I once asked a Frenchman how far it was to the capital city of Malawi.
He replied 'Le long way'.
the very peak of my existence about 6 months ago today
The cast of “Friends” got stuck at sea in a boat, but thankfully nothing happened.
A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call city police.
The only thing they have to go on is the mug shot.
The most important part of a mail pun, is the delivery.
What kind of bird doesn’t know the words to their own song?
What is the opposite of Ladies fingers?
No one drives in the city anymore.
There was too much traffic.
A lot of the jokes on this sub are just terrible, but at the end of the day...
What did the farmer say when all of his haystacks were stolen?
Did he hear about the detective who went rampaging through the city?
He left a trail of deduction in his wake
Friend of mine asked why I took a side job at the bakery
I told him I don’t knead the dough, but I do get a rise out of it
What is the smelliest kind of ox?
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...
But Bill kept the Windows
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling “I stepped on a Bee!”
I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...
Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.
Apparently I had dropped one...
Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....
A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.
I hear that Las Vegas is the capital city of trigonometric functions..
It earned the nickname Sin City!
Why are there so few cheese producers in the city?
Because cottage cheese is common, but not skyscraper cheese
A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."
The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.
"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."
EDIT The responses here are incredible! 👌
Some people were arguing about the most important part of a kitchen.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
Guys, make your woman feel special. Place a framed photo of her in the kitchen...
....and write "EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH" on top.
One of my daughters wants to marry the mailman...
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
If Mary is the mother of Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God
Does that mean that Mary had a little lamb?
There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.
And then you will all be sorry.
My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.
What did the piece of wood say when it had nothing to do?
Swarms of flying insects are threatening people all over the city.
The police have deployed all SWAT teams.
To the person who stole my MS Office License.
I will find you. You have my Word.
I told my wife I saw a deer on the way to work.
She said how do you know he was headed to work?
The colours red, white and blue are the colours of freedom.
Until they are flashing behind you.
A lot of people can’t tell the difference between entomology and etymology.
I can’t find the words for how much this bugs me.
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz
What city in the Middle East doesn't require you to wear a face mask?
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