The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 09 2021
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 25 2020
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!
But thatβs just projected figures.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?
Police are saying there is a small medium at large
π︎ 12
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...
But it turned out not all of them were mediums
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 14 2020
I went to get my fortune told. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist if there was a fee.
She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 18 2020
Two fortune tellers meet on the street.
One says to the other, βYouβre fine, how am I?β
π︎ 21
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︎ May 23 2020
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. βState of the Art,β he said, βIt cost me a fortune.β
I said, βAwesome. What type is it?β
He said, β Two thirty.β
π︎ 10k
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︎ Oct 12 2018
What do you call a short fortune teller whoβs on the run?
π︎ 3
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︎ Feb 23 2020
Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?
The newspaper headline read βSmall Medium at Largeβ.
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︎ Apr 28 2020
What do you call a fortune teller who only sees the worst in things?
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Which dinosaur was widely regarded as the best fortune teller?
π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 26 2019
Will the new decade bring fortune or disaster? No one knows yet.
π︎ 12
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︎ Dec 31 2019
Do you know how to make a small fortune in the record industry?
Start with a large fortune.
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 28 2019
The only reason Walter White was so successful is because fortune favors the bald.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 28 2019
Which company is the main sponsor and made a big fortune from the Star wars movie series?
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 05 2019
Did you hear about the fortune-telling little person that escaped prison?
Heβs a small medium at large.
π︎ 10
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︎ Aug 06 2019
Did you hear the about the Pirate on Wheel of Fortune?
π︎ 5
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︎ May 02 2019
Did you hear about the dwarf fortune teller that's on the lamb?
He's a small medium at large.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 17 2019
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 04 2019
What did the vampire find in his fortune cookie?
π︎ 17
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︎ Mar 28 2019
Did you hear about the panda that had his life fortune stolen?
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 17 2019
My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will.
I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."
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︎ Jun 11 2016
I lost my fortune cookie for the sake of a dad joke
I was out to lunch with a few colleagues at a local Chinese buffet. The way seating is laid out, we four were seated at a long table with a couple on either end of us. The couple to my left received their fortune cookies and the lady cracked hers open. I heard her disappointment as she told her husband in anguish "There's no fortune in mine! My fortune cookie has no fortune!"
I looked at her and said "Ma'am, that's unfortunate." All my colleagues collectively sighed, and my buddy across the table from me said "You know what scrovak, that was so bad, she gets your cookie now."
The lady was delighted both at the joke and the new cookie.
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︎ Mar 03 2017
An almost enlightened Buddhist was working on the set of Wheel of Fortune...
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 18 2018
Why do the Chinese restaurants give you fortune cookies?
That's how they make you fortunate.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 20 2016
My dad's fortune cookies always have the same fortune...
"Help, I'm being held hostage in a fortune cookie factory!"
π︎ 17
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︎ Aug 15 2013
Just ate half a fortune cookie but the fortune was still inside.
Guess you can call it fortunATE.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 05 2016
What d'you call the amount of money a fortune-teller can make in a month, making predictions? [OC]
Her prophet margin!
..Not sorry, I've got to build up my repertoire of original jokes before my daughter's old enough to groan at them.
π︎ 11
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︎ Oct 27 2014
My dad always tells the same joke whenever he opens a fortune cookie...
Q: Where does virgin wool come from?
A: UGLY SHEEP.
...still makes me laugh no matter how many times I hear it.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 14 2013
The dwarf fortune teller who kills his costumers...
...is a small medium at large
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 10 2019
Did you hear about the tiny fortune teller that escaped from jail?
Itβs a small medium at large
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 24 2019
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed his customer?
Heβs a small medium at large
π︎ 2
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︎ Jun 04 2019
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that killed her client?
She was a small medium at large.
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︎ Jul 21 2017
Be on the lookout for the midget fortune teller who murdered his client
He's a small medium at large
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 22 2018
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who is on the run from the police?
He's a small medium at large.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 02 2017
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