The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.

My own fault though, I kept her out too long.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The business man opened a shadow puppet theater that should make a fortune!

But that’s just projected figures.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that broke out of jail?

Police are saying there is a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rosiekaykay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I made matching t-shirts for the members of my fortune tellers club...

But it turned out not all of them were mediums

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/S0n0fRuss
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to get my fortune told. I walked into the lobby and asked the receptionist if there was a fee.

She just shook her head and said "This is a non-prophet organization."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlextheInhuman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Two fortune tellers meet on the street.

One says to the other, β€œYou’re fine, how am I?”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. β€œState of the Art,” he said, β€œIt cost me a fortune.”

I said, β€œAwesome. What type is it?”

He said, β€œ Two thirty.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a short fortune teller who’s on the run?

A small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/millenialmami
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fraudulent, short in stature fortune teller who escaped from jail?

The newspaper headline read β€˜Small Medium at Large’.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a fortune teller who only sees the worst in things?

A pessi-mystic

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigpapasatan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Which dinosaur was widely regarded as the best fortune teller?

The tarotdactyl

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/budcuddly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Will the new decade bring fortune or disaster? No one knows yet.

Hindsight will be 2020.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know how to make a small fortune in the record industry?

Start with a large fortune.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unsaneasylum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The only reason Walter White was so successful is because fortune favors the bald.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frantic_chair
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Which company is the main sponsor and made a big fortune from the Star wars movie series?

Salesforce

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hihihowru
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fortune-telling little person that escaped prison?

He’s a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seems_legit_man
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the about the Pirate on Wheel of Fortune?

He wanted to buy an I.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TraditionSmashed
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dwarf fortune teller that's on the lamb?

He's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/legdiyen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.

Nutradamus

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aguynamedbry
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the vampire find in his fortune cookie?

"Be Positive"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueBayB
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the panda that had his life fortune stolen?

He was bamboozled

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhg0325
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My uncle always told me he had a fortune in a safe deposit box. He left me the key in his will.

I went to the bank, trembling with anticipation, got access to the box, took it into the private viewing room. I opened the box and looked in, there was an envelope in side, when I opened it, a folded piece of paper fell out. I read it, and it said: "Good things are ahead for you. Your lucky numbers are 6, 10 and 13."

πŸ‘︎ 423
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteveHRRT
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2016
🚨︎ report
I lost my fortune cookie for the sake of a dad joke

I was out to lunch with a few colleagues at a local Chinese buffet. The way seating is laid out, we four were seated at a long table with a couple on either end of us. The couple to my left received their fortune cookies and the lady cracked hers open. I heard her disappointment as she told her husband in anguish "There's no fortune in mine! My fortune cookie has no fortune!"

I looked at her and said "Ma'am, that's unfortunate." All my colleagues collectively sighed, and my buddy across the table from me said "You know what scrovak, that was so bad, she gets your cookie now."

The lady was delighted both at the joke and the new cookie.

πŸ‘︎ 230
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scrovak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
🚨︎ report
An almost enlightened Buddhist was working on the set of Wheel of Fortune...

He was near-Vanna.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do the Chinese restaurants give you fortune cookies?

That's how they make you fortunate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dhisum_dhisum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2016
🚨︎ report
My dad's fortune cookies always have the same fortune...

"Help, I'm being held hostage in a fortune cookie factory!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mundoextrano
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
🚨︎ report
Just ate half a fortune cookie but the fortune was still inside.

Guess you can call it fortunATE.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squeevey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
🚨︎ report
What d'you call the amount of money a fortune-teller can make in a month, making predictions? [OC]

Her prophet margin!

..Not sorry, I've got to build up my repertoire of original jokes before my daughter's old enough to groan at them.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HylianHal
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad always tells the same joke whenever he opens a fortune cookie...

Q: Where does virgin wool come from?

A: UGLY SHEEP.

...still makes me laugh no matter how many times I hear it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dragonalex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2013
🚨︎ report
The dwarf fortune teller who kills his costumers...

...is a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanguinelimbo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the tiny fortune teller that escaped from jail?

It’s a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who killed his customer?

He’s a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steezy96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller that killed her client?

She was a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beyondyourlimits
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Be on the lookout for the midget fortune teller who murdered his client

He's a small medium at large

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FudgieDan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the midget fortune teller who is on the run from the police?

He's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atropos77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
🚨︎ report

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