I am honored to have been elected the next president of the ...
Stalling Society of ...
of ...
of ...
of ...
of ...
America.
You've been elected president of the phobia society.
When my daughter was born, my wife and the doctors elected for a Caesarean birth.
It was a democra-C section.
A group of vampires overthrew a farm using democratically-elected leaders. Their first course of action was to suck all the chickens dry.
What did the Canadian say when he was elected president of the US?
I'm president of the US, eh!
If sherlock Holmes was to get with your mum, and be elected to the house of Commons
He'd be a motherfucking PI MP
A few years ago, I visited a psychic who predicted that Joe Biden would beat Donald Trump in an election. She also predicted that soon, a global pandemic would break out and spread across the world.
In retrospect, her psychic vision was 2020.
Why do news pundits care so much about who the people of Poland think will win the election?
I came up with this one today but I'm sure it's been done before. My wife said it's lame. What do you say?
The best part about being Russian, is getting to vote in American elections.
Which is nice, because we never get to vote in our own.
Trump accused the Democrats of rigging the election and breaking the law.
Joe replied “Never have I ever broken the law, I’ve always been a-Biden”
Joe sure is patient when it comes to waiting for the results of the election
All I hear is Joe Biden his time till the results are finalized!
Why did the president-elect wait so long before deciding to run for president?
He was just Biden his time
This 2020 Presidential election reminds me of the 2000 Election
While people are talking about the presidential election, I don't talk immediately, because...
I'm Biden my time, until I can play my Trump card.
Why did it take Joe so long to win the election?
It occurs to me at this stage the election has become sexist.
All I see are male in ballots.
I made up a joke so get ready to hate on me. Trump (I know it's topical).... Trump was nervous during the election and was asked "hey, do you want some spiced tea"?
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.
I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.
The Senate majority leader refuses to acknowledge the election results.
He’s acting like a real Mitch.
Everyone keeps saying that after the election there's gonna be a civil war. I disagree.
There's gonna be a Trumper Tantrum
How are the US people going to bid adieu to Trump after election?
My cheap noble challenged the election results.
It was a discount viscount recount.
The legalize cannabis party had a fair few stoners voting for it this past election, but not enough to gain power
That’s a lot of wasted votes
Why did the stripper show up at the Board of Elections?
She heard they were looking for poll workers.
Why did the stool quit his election campaign?
He didn’t have any backing !
Will this be what Americans say after the November election?
Trump me once, shame on you; Trump me twice, shame on me.
Whether you are Democrat or Republican, I think we can all agree on one thing.
The election results have been un-presidented.
Why did the dolphins elect a dictator?
Because they wanted to serve a greater porpoise
Daughter says it’s the winner of dad jokes
Our niece told us all in a family group text that they called the election.
I wrote “And did the election answer or did it go straight to voicemail?”
My family's favourite pun since the 2016 election.
The election is happening in November and Trump will be bragging about the 30 foot wall he built on the Mexican border.
But he probably should have made it much longer than that.
Old man goes to polling place asking if his wife had already voted.
So the old man approaches the polling official and ask if his wife already voted. They ask for her full name and sure enough, she had already voted. He said Oh darn! She died 6 years ago but she keeps voting on every election and I was hoping to see her once again.
US election season meats the holiday season
If Pete Buttigieg wins the election, he'll be the first person to move from the judicial branch to the executive.
A Buddhist monk leave the monastery...
Dissatisfied with the style of life that he found there, The Monk decides to move into a suburban neighborhood and start up his own line of work. Being trained in the peaceful ways he gets on very well with his neighbours who eventually notice that he has a very strange profession. Despite being very strong and very philosophical The Monk elects to repeatedly visit places with broken fences and remove and replace them.
One day has neighbour approaches him and asks, "with the physical strength and mental capacity that you seem to have, are you not interested in a more physically or mentally challenging job?"
To which The Monk replies, "but everybody knows reposting gives you the most karma."
Russia Hacking the Elections
I can't believe the results of the Australian Election this year.
Bill really got the shorten of the stick.
The coronavirus has many names
But the election infection takes the cake for me
Can you believe California is having an electric shortage? Richard Ricity should run for governor
This way the people can elect Ricity.
The campaign would be "Elect Rick".
So this is what i came up with atleast i think I did!
You know why Vladimir keeps getting elected as the president of mother Russia?
Because he be Putin alot of effort! Badum tsss
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