Son: "Dad, did you see pictures of that guy at the Capitol stealing Nancy Pelosi's podium? That's domestic terrorism!"

Dad: "Wrong, son. He was just taking a political stand."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 79
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CIMMGW
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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I almost Hit 2 Domestic Chickens Having Sex in the Middle of the Road Today...

It was fowl

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DraiderGaming
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
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3 domesticated Rams are in the kitchen, labelled A, B & C

If you put a pumpkin on ram A, nothing happens. If you put a pumpkin on ram B you get the same result.

But if you put a pumpkin on Ram C it starts knocking things off counters, making a mess and abusing the kitchen staff.

I guess that is what happens when you put a gourd on ram c in the kitchen.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kriskidd21
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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Ever hear the one about the domestically abusive dwarf and his tall wife?

It's a knee slapper

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KairuSmairukon
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Did you hear about the guy who killed his domesticated crows?

It really was a murder most fowl

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Leviathulu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
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Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the governmentโ€™s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

โ€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because itโ€™s such a terrible idea... in fact, Iโ€™m willing to bet on it. If Iโ€™m wrong, and they donโ€™t repeal it, Iโ€™ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if Iโ€™m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a yearโ€.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and wonโ€™t be repealed. So he says โ€œdealโ€.

The beef farmer carries on:

โ€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that Iโ€™ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, Iโ€™m willing to bet on it. If Iโ€™m wrong, and this policy doesnโ€™t mean I need to sell half my cows, Iโ€™ll give you free steaks for a year. But if Iโ€™m right, and I do need to sell half my cows, you have to give me your prized boar, pumbaโ€.

The pig farmer is confident that the beef farmer wonโ€™t need to sell any cows. So he says โ€œdealโ€.

12 months pass following the introduction of the live export ban. The government hasnโ€™t repealed the policy, but unfortunately the beef farmer has had to sell most of his cows.

Both farmers reconvene at the pub. The beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

โ€œWell, it seems you were right about one thing but wrong about the other...

So... You may have won the cattle, but youโ€™ve lost the boar!โ€.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dens382
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Two owls were sitting in opposite trees and hooting at each other while we were walking on a research trip. My professor earned dad joke gold.

I suggested the male owl was trying to mate with the female. My friend said no, they were probably married and it was a domestic dispute. Our professor said, "maybe someone forgot to pay their owlimony."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 73
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/not_rude_and_ginger
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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My Dad's "book titles"...

I have so, so many...

"The Road Is Shut" by Elaine Closed. "I'm Outta Gas" by Phil McCarup "How To Tie Shoelaces" by Ben Doon "A Cliff Edge" by Eileen Dover "A Book Of Churches" by Cath Headrall "I've Eaten Too Much!" by Buster Gutt "A Book On Soft Cheeses" by Phil Adelphia

And finally, "A Book On Domestic Pets" by Rabi Tuch... (...Rabituch...) (Rabbit hutch)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/amysplat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2013
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