My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
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︎ Mar 12 2021
Today is the day I can post it
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︎ Mar 02 2021
I forgot to post this on Pi Day. Oh well! The Argyle Sweater for 3/14/21
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︎ Mar 15 2021
In the old days, excessive use of commas was considered to be a serious crime.
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
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︎ Mar 16 2021
I was walking with my son the other day...
He picked up an acorn and asked me what it was. I told him it was a tree. He said really? I said, well in a nutshell yes.
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︎ Mar 06 2021
My wife saw me drinking from a Halloween skull the other day
Wife: whoβs skull is that
Me: a man named Phillip
Wife: whatβs in it?
Me: vodka and orange juice.
Wife: .......
Me: itβs a Phillips head screwdriver
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︎ Mar 16 2021
I've had the most emotional cake day ever
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︎ Mar 11 2021
A policeman pulled me over the other day and started crying as he was writing me a traffic ticket. I asked him why was he crying?
He said it was because I committed a moving violation.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Vocabulary for the day
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︎ Mar 22 2021
Went to the zoo the other day.
The only animal they had was a dog. It was a shitzu.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didnβt sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
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︎ Mar 03 2021
I saw some bees the other day...
I don't see what all the buzz is about.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
I went to a Ford dealership the other day looking for a specific model. The salesman told me they didnβt have what I was looking for and that I wasnβt allowed to leave.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
I had to replace a broken window the other day.
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︎ Mar 14 2021
I read a book about an immortal dog the other day.
it was impossible to put down.
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︎ Mar 23 2021
I threw a Duracell at someone's head the other day and it cracked his skull
I was arrested and charged with battery
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︎ Mar 11 2021
The other day I had to climb up some equipment at a cheese making factory.
I thought that it was strong enough to clamber up, but it ended up giving whey.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
if someone drinks the same tea every day with no interest in trying any new blends
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︎ Mar 21 2021
When life sends you a lemon, squeeze the day.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I was telling Dad jokes the other day.
Turned around, and realized it was Mom.
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︎ Mar 09 2021
So I was at Chiliβs the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why
I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. Iβm now banned at all Chiliβs restaurants in the USA
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︎ Mar 26 2021
What's the worst day of the week?
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︎ Mar 28 2021
I told a joke about hemorrhoids in a hospital the other day.
It didn't sit well with some of the patients.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
A guy stopped me in the street the other day to ask why I was carrying a 9ft book.
I said "It's a long story".
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︎ Mar 03 2021
Was watching Arrested Development the other day and my girlfriend made a groaner of a dad joke.
Lucille: βI have to get Dusty ice cream.β
GF: βDusty ice cream doesnβt sound very goodβ
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︎ Feb 25 2021
You know what was really cool back in the day?
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︎ Mar 18 2021
I went to the park the other day and saw a guy flying one of those tiny RC quadcopters.
I asked him about it and that was a mistake.
He just kept droning on and on!
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︎ Mar 10 2021
I met a dolphin the other day,
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︎ Feb 26 2021
Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Whoβs there?
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︎ Oct 09 2020
I saw two snails fighting the other day.
They were really slugging it out.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer the other day. I donβt know what he laced them with but, Iβve been tripping all day....
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︎ Mar 08 2021
I found out the other day that the flying spaghetti monster has a lot of anxiety.
I guess he suffers from impasta syndrome
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︎ Mar 28 2021
i cant believe i got fired from the calendar factory, all i did was take a day off.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
I purchased a new kitchen sink and the delivery man never told me he left in on my doorstep. Sat there all day
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︎ Mar 04 2021
Fun Fact For The Day...
When Alan Turing was cracking codes during WW2, his sister Kay was providing drinks, snacks and sandwiches for him and his colleagues.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
I asked my friend to come to the gym with me. He said he was busy for the next 7 days....
Bit of a week excuse if you ask me.
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︎ Mar 18 2021
What do you call the ancestors of the modern day scissors?
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︎ Mar 29 2021
The other day, I bought some decorative pillow cases from a sketchy website.
Turns out it was all just a sham.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
My kids came out of school and told my partner they have made cards for her for Mother's Day. I asked for a card, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
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︎ Mar 12 2021
We know the Panama has had its problems, and the Suez had that ship stuck recently, but my co-worker must know of another problematic waterway. Every day he yells out...
βFar Canal. I hate this placeβ.
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︎ Mar 29 2021
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Saw 3 Mexicans in my backyard the other day.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
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︎ Jan 29 2021
I posted something on here the other day and didnβt get a single upvote
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︎ Dec 04 2020
I saw Kate Middleton's sister leaving a plastic surgeon's office the other day, but I can't tell you what work she had done.
That would be a Pippa violation.
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︎ Mar 08 2021
I washed a few $20's the other day...
A very angry IRS agent called me and threatened me with serious fines and jail time for committing tax fraud.
I guess they take money laundering very seriously....
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︎ Mar 27 2021
Why do I feel healthy on Saturdays and Sundays, and so sickly for all the other days ?
Maybe, I just have a weekend immune system.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
My teacher likes to start every day by reading a joke from Reddit. She was sick the other day, so
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I got an vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didnβt sound anything like wasps!
Then I realised I was playing the bee side.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
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