The Books Puns

Sadly it was useless. It was the 5th in the series.

It still hasn't arrived yet.

That should spice up my autobiography a bit.

It really makes you think about things.

Tooth hurty

It has a lot of problems.

And suddenly, I’m the idiot.

as soon as you've finished them, they're read.

My solicitor reckons I'm looking at a long sentence...

But each page is so riveting

It's called an oughttobiography.

Fair warning, the ending gets pretty dark.

A church.

It’s a step by step guide.

The whole thing was riveting.

I only have my shelf to blame though.

You should check them out!

It’s an Otto biography.

It's by Anoni Mouse

Harry Potter and the Order of the V-necks.

thus making Hess the world's first grammar nazi.

Then I found out that it was being shelved.

because you have only your shelf to blame

She looked up and whispered, "They're right behind you".

I guess he drove on the track backwards.

He was too shelfish!

She said try the non-friction section.

....man,,, I've got some problems...

He just couldn’t help himself.

I told the arresting officer "I could explain everything."

It was the novel coronavirus

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

Slim to Nun?

(Incidentally this is a true story and I got yelled at)

They heard there was a house with huff and puff in it.

Books on Engine oil, Grease, and lubrication in general. They were in the non friction section.

That's their back story.

It's called the Ka'ran

She said I had to go to the 'C' section

There'd been a run on sentences.

She said, "Spelling?"

I said, "O...R...T...H...O..."

My reply: It is a long story...

Finnish: The Book

Tooth:hurty! (2:30)

Because of all of its problems!

It still hasn't arrived yet.

Tooth hurty.