The motor on my dinghy broke down a kilometer out to sea, and I had to row the whole way back.
It was quite an oar deal.
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︎ May 24 2023
I run a small epoxy tumbler business and one of the creations I made was a 3D boba tumbler. I am however stuck on what decal to put on this thing. I love the way it turned out, but all of the boba and matcha puns Iβve found are super lame. Help me out?!
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︎ Mar 24 2023
A guy falls out the window of a skyscraper. All the way down heβs yelling, βIβm gonna be OK! Iβm gonna be OK!β
He was wrong on so many levels.
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︎ Feb 16 2023
Did you hear about the rapper who ate his way out of prison?
He came out with a fresh new album, and I'm telling you, he is spitting bars.
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︎ Mar 03 2023
I got lost in the woods one night. I knew the nearest road was to the east but I couldn't figure out which way was East...
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︎ Aug 21 2022
A paralyzed girl wheeled her way out of a horror showing at the cinema.
She just could not stand to watch it!
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︎ May 22 2022
What's the most carefree way to get breakfast when you are out at sea?
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︎ Oct 15 2022
My iPhone slipped out of hands from the 2nd story balcony hitting several branches on the way down.
The apple didnβt fall from the tree
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︎ Oct 28 2022
After we moved the piano to our new house, all the bass notes were way out of tune.
It was low key fucked up.
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︎ Jun 09 2022
Seeing a car driving in the wrong direction, a man helpfully calls out, "Hey - it's one way!"
"Don't worry.." the driver cheerfully called back, "... I'm only going one way!"
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 02 2022
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, βDad get out of the way!β
I said, βYouβre the ones blocking!β
π︎ 16k
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︎ Jun 27 2020
As I was listening to the traffic report on my way to work this morning, the announcer said to watch out for someone who was going down the highway the wrong way.
I chuckled and thought to myself, "It's not just one car. Everyone is going the wrong way!"
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︎ Aug 13 2022
No, there is simply no way the two of you can make an amazing meal of out vegetables only!!!
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 10 2022
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, βAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I donβt know what to do!β Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...heβs really a big lyre.
π︎ 6k
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︎ Apr 29 2020
The best way to kill vampires is to set out a few trays of snacks laced with silver.
Itβs called Buffet the Vampire Slayer.
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︎ May 22 2022
I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.
π︎ 2k
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︎ Sep 30 2020
I found out a way to make money in the summertime. When you go to bed, you turn off all electronics except for one......
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︎ Jun 10 2022
Found out today that my hand can fit inside my wife's gloves, all the way down to the palm...
We just don't share similar inch wrists.
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︎ Apr 04 2022
This thief and his accomplice were escaping from a robbery. Unfortunately for the passenger thief, his door was not closed all the way, and he fell out.
I guess you could say that spot was where the robber meets the road.
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 07 2022
What's the best way to figure out if your house is haunted?
You play peek-a-BoOoOoOo.
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︎ Jan 08 2022
The suspect tried to bluff his way out of the charges...
... but he spoke with a bit too much conviction.
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︎ Aug 28 2021
When the way out of a haunted forest is guarded by very large and angry insects
It is wise to take the lesser of two weevils
π︎ 6
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︎ Oct 31 2021
There should be an international assembly for the proper way to separate out a sentence...
The Commawealth of Nations
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 25 2021
What's the best way to climb out of ELO hell?
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 17 2021
A Chinese stand up comedian was half way his set when all the lights went out. He told the crowd to put all their hands in the air and wave. As by a miracle the lights came back on. ...
...'' You see? Many hands make light work.''
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︎ Jun 23 2021
When Hurricane Dorian hits Florida, I'm going to check out my window for the clouds to get really grey. When they're at peak greyness I'll take a picture. That way Ill always have The Picture of Dorian Grey.
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︎ Aug 30 2019
Are you gonna pull it all the way out?
π︎ 7
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︎ Aug 16 2020
How did the crazy people find their way out of the woods ?
They followed the psycho path
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︎ Aug 12 2020
I was in an elevator with my wife when a couple entered with their kids. I went out of my way to ask what floor they were going up to so I could push the button for them.
I wanted to prove to my wife that I was serious about raising a family.
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︎ Sep 30 2019
My pregnant wife and I were on our way out of the doctor's office
And the receptionist was trying to schedule our next appointment, which was a routine check up. "We'll get you in and out real quick," she said. I turned to her and said, "that's what got us into this mess in the first place."
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︎ Feb 01 2015
I wanted to make a joke about potassium so, I was like oK what is the best way to make a pun out of this.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jan 14 2020
Two thistles are arguing over who has the better yard The one turns to the other and says "your dirt is way too loose, man, look" and yanks him up and out of the ground Second thistle looks up at the first and goes
"I artichoke you for that"
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︎ Mar 25 2021
Shout out to my grandma, that's the only way she can hear.
π︎ 114
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︎ Sep 20 2019
An man at a bar didnβt want his wife to know he was out all night. But he was so drunk he couldnβt even stand and had to crawl all the way back home on all fours.
He got home he reached up for the door knob and opened the door, crawled upstairs and into his bed with his wife. His wife in the morning said βWhy were you out all night?β He said βHow did you find out?β
She said βThe bar called. They said you left your wheelchair againβ.
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︎ Dec 26 2020
What did Joe say to Donald on his way out the door?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jan 20 2021
After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioning.
π︎ 153
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︎ Nov 22 2018
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 10 2020
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
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︎ Jul 14 2017
While he was out, my husband text me 'I think I'll run through the car wash on my way home.'
I replied: 'Probably better to drive the car through.'
π︎ 114
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︎ Oct 12 2018
I figured out the best way to cut carbs!
π︎ 8
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︎ Aug 20 2020
My girlfriend and I were hiking yesterday, I was leading the way on the trail a bit ahead of her and she chimed out, "Is that a safe way?"
I said, "Honey, are you feeling okay? I don't think there are any grocery stores out here in the wilderness."
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︎ May 16 2018
This bakery on the way out of Tamworth, Australia
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︎ Aug 14 2018
My friend called me in a panic and shouted, βAn evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I donβt know what to do!β Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...
...heβs really a big lyre.
π︎ 35
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︎ Apr 02 2021
I finally told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.
So I turned on the air conditioning.
π︎ 156
π
︎ Jan 22 2019
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