The Barrier Puns

I tell them it's because I give a dam.

It's about dam time!

Please don’t make fun of my re-seeding hare line.

"Probably was the Air Force"

To get to the other tide.

Noah fence.

http://i.imgur.com/5CwKLyo.jpg

https://imgur.com/a/WYfG2

The language barrier.

Suddenly there was pandemonium everywhere. The guards on duty ushered us out of the gates just as a horde of inmates began climbing over the barrier wall.

One by one they dropped down disappearing into the brush. Just as I looked up, a midget in an orange jumpsuit stuck his tongue out at me and gave me the finger as he came down.

I thought to myself, "Well that's a little con descending."

So I work at a hardware store/fish & tackle shop on a fairly affluent barrier island in Florida...tons of rich old WASPs (we're talking DuPont heir money here).

Anyways, a regular comes up to the front register with a saw and some saw blades. I took note of his purchases and said to the guy "How do these work? Some sort of coping mechanism?"

He looked down for a second, began to explain (in a somewhat demeaning tone) how a coping saw works, looked up and saw my shit eating grin.

grooaaannnn "Oh you ass, that was witty. You got me though!"

I later learned that day that his wife had died three months earlier...whoops.

My dad used a piece of wood to stop our dog from going in the living room. He called it the "terrier barrier." Several years later, my boyfriend is over having dinner with us. Suddenly the dog jumps over the "terrier barrier"! Instantly my boyfriend says, "looks like it's an "Interior Terrier Barrier." We all lost it.

Backstory: my buddy's brother is in the military in Turkey and I was asking how he was when their dad dropped this one on me.

• Me: "How's your brother doing in Turkey?"

• Friend: "Good but the language barrier kills him, I think they speak Farsi."

• Me: "I thought they spoke Turkish?"

• Friend's dad: "Actually they speak gobble gobble!"

To get to the other tide.