The Balcony Puns

some shit really went down

Manager: what did the doctor say to the woman’s family? Me: after thinking ...yea I’m not sure Manager: “she was ALL RIGHT.” Me: oh, I thought you were going to say “There’s nothing LEFT.” The manager at work got a kick out of that because that was an answer he has never gotten before lol figured I’d post it here.

TEQUILA!

The domineering wife thought the house needed a cantilevered balcony while the husband thought that it would ruin the aesthetic of the design. She told him he was an idiot and to keep his mouth shut. His friends hated to see her treat him so badly.
They always said “Why cantilever?”

Some Background Info

On March 4, 1841, William Henry Harrison became the 9th President of the United States, with John Tyler as his VP. Exactly one month later, Harrison died, leaving Tyler as the 10th President of the United States. Tyler was elected as a Whig, but chose many Democrats to work in his administration, and often made decisions in the Democratic favor. This made the Whig party angry, and while the Democrats liked some of his actions, they didn't love him. At the end of his presidency, the Whigs were not going to support reelection efforts, and the democrats just liked other people more. This earned him the nickname, "The President Without A Party."

The Dad Joke

At the very end of his presidency, Mrs. First Lady wanted to have celebration. She invited lots of people over, and they all had a good time on Tyler's lawn. Tyler stood on his balcony, looking over all the people have a joyous time when he announced, "Never again can anybody say that I was a president without a party!" and giggled his way into retirement.

One day a man looks out his window and finds one of his fence posts dug up and put in the ground somewhere else.

For the next couple of days this continues on but with a new fence post.

Yesterday was the last straw, so the men sat on his balcony all night to see who the culprit was.

Sure enough at 2am a couple of teenagers show up and get ready to dig up another fence post.

Man: "you goddamn teenagers! Stop digging up old posts and reposting them!"

We were staying in a hotel room that had a balcony door that didn’t fully close which causes a lot of city noise to come in.

It’s the morning and we are still in bed when she says, “I can’t stand this room!”

I reply, “Well, it’s a good thing you’re lying down!”

I was then pummeled with pillows.

My dad shouted at me from the balcony and said "If you cut off your legs mowing that lawn, don't you come running to me".

We were sitting outside on our balcony.

Her: hey will you switch spots with me? I like the view from your chair better.

Me: fine. You're lucky I'm a stand up guy though.

Scene: Before practice with my band, my drummer and I occasionally sit on the balcony and smoke a cigarette. It's extremely windy and we began to talk about our jackets.

Me: This is why I love my jacket. It keeps me incredibly warm

Drummer: Does it break wind?

Me: Yeah, it's really embarrassing when it decides to fart in public.

Dad: Did I tell you? One of my co-workers went on a vacation to Africa a little while ago.

Me: What? No, that's awesome!

Dad: The resort was in the style of an oasis, so when he looked out the balcony he could see the rolling desert for miles! He told me there was wildlife everywhere out there too. Said a big group of elephants went running by one night.

Me: Really? That's crazy, I'm so jealous!

Dad: Yeah. He said another went by the next day wearing a pair of sunglasses.

Me: Wait... what?

Dad: I asked him if it was the same group and he said, "I couldn't tell, they were wearing sunglasses!"