A list of puns related to "The Abbott and Costello Show"
(From Abbott and CostelloāsĀ radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if Iād have been wearing a license plate, heād have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen ā in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother ā Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen, Iām not talking about that. What is the dogās breed?
Lou Costello: What does he breed? He breeds through his nose, like you and me!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, you dummy, what kind of dog is he? Spitz?
Lou Costello: No, but he drools a little.
Bud Abbott: Look, there are different types of dogs, such as Setters, and Pointers, ā¦
Lou Costello: Thatās it, Abbott! Heās a Setter-Pointer!
Bud Abbott: A Setter-Pointer?
Lou Costello: Yeah, he sets all day and points at the icebox! (Editorās note: we now call an āiceboxā a ārefrigeratorā)
One of the classic Ā Abbott and Costello Ā routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money. Ā The skit ends with a simple āread my mindā routine that takes Louās last remaining bill. Ā This routine was done Ā many Ā times, both in the movies and their radio show.
Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I canāt. I canāt loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I canāt. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and youāll owe me 10 Ā
Lou Costello: Ok, Iāll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: Thatās right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for?
Lou Costello: 50
Bud Abbott: How much did you give me?
Lou Costello: 40.
Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.
Lou Costello: Thatās right. Ā [Pause] But you owe me 40.
Bud Abbott: Donāt change the subject.
Lou Costello: Iām not changing the subject; youāre trying to change my finances. Come on, Abbott give me my $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, thereās your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me.
Lou Costello: Iām paying you on account.
Bud Abbott: On account?
Lou Costello: On account I donāt know how I owe it to ya.
Bud Abbott: Thatās the way you feel about it, thatās the last time I ask you for a loan of $50.
Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. All I got is 30.
Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and youāll owe me 20.
Lou Costello: Ok. This is getting worse all the time. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20.
Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt?
Lou Costello: Iām not running in, youāre pushing me!1
Bud Abbott: I canāt help it if you canāt handle your finances. I do all right with my money.
Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too.
Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 20 and 30 is 50.
Lou Costello: No. No. No. 25 and 25 is 50.
Bud Abbott: All right, hereās your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. Fine guy, wonāt loan a pal $50.
A classic Ā Abbott and CostelloĀ routine, from their first movie, Ā One Night in the Tropics, where Ā Bud AbbottĀ shows that heās not above running a quick scam on his friend, Ā Lou Costello, in order to make a few dollars.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.