Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..
You keeled my father. Prepare two die.
*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?
^(What a freaking professional)
Why did the Mexican take anti anxiety medication
What would happen if a dice would fall off a cliff?
For my first birthday, my father gifted me a set of gaming cubes supposedly owned by Al Capone...
I've been spending most my life playing with a gangster's pair of dice.
The recipe said to dice the onion
Why do dice prefer to be in groups of two?
Because then it's a pair-a-dice
One day, Anne decided to create some pencil and paper art. So she grabbed some of her chopped Terra Cotta and decided to create her art at a comedy club. There,
"¿Cómo se dice 'nariz' en inglés?"
What do you call an anti-semitic person who like dice games?
I accidentally swallowed my dice.
Now I am waiting for craps.
Playing craps with toilet paper dice
I misplaced two dice yesterday
To a gambler, paradise is in a pair of dice
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
[Request] puns about dice (for wedding favours)
Our wedding is next weekend, and we are giving out personalized dice as our favours. We thought "thank you for coming" was a little too bland, and we'd like to spice it up with a dice pun. Any pun suggestions that also tie into the cutesy wedding/romantic setting? So far I've found "we make a great pair" and a lot of puns around the word "dicey", but I'm hoping you fine folks can help us out.
Edit: We are huge gamers which is why we went with the dice. This isn't a Vegas wedding or anything similar, so jackpot related jokes aren't quite what we're looking for. :)
Why did the man eat the dice?
He wanted to get a taste of paradice.
What do you call a diced potato?
If i buy a German dice game where you have to get five of the same number..
What would you call a pig that obeys the laws of gravity?
If you think pissing on the dice will help you win craps...
I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
This is my home. Yes I live in an amish pair of dice.
A new resort
I am thinking of establishing a holiday resort with gambling facilities.
It’ll be called Pair-A-Dice
Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots ‘for carrot-ness’, I said.
My daughter who was helping, added some peas, ‘for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.
I admit it was a crappy thing to do.
Showing my friend a 3-sided dice
Him:"Do you know 300-sided die exists"
'...'
"They are called golf balls"
I threw a couple of dice at my clothes
I was trying to die them.
I’m terrible at rolling dice.
My favorite nautically-themed dice game...
So my dad asked "were there dice in the play Alice in Wonderland?"...
...And my mom says "no, there were cards, why?"
To which my dad responds, "oh that's too bad. If they needed an understudy, the director could say 'And tonight, the role of dice will be played by...'"
My mom just gave me the "why did I marry this guy" look. It was a nice moment.
The casino was giving a lucky winner a Toyota.
It's a Corolla of the dice.
The Grim Reaper appeared in beside me when I was chopping up some carrots in my kitchen.
He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:
If there's no gambling in heaven...
... why do they call it para-dice?
How did Eddie Money get himself and a friend into the backgammon tournament?
Two tickets, two pair of dice.
I was going to make a fish joke here...
But I don't think it's the right plaice to. I feel like I'll just flounder. I'm a dab hand with bad puns, though I'm probably gonna look like a right bass. I trout this'll be very popular. I mean, sal-mon, it's pretty bad. I think I need to tuna bit of it. I should ask my friend Hali-but she's probably busy. So no dice.
Why is playing craps better in Hawaii?
Because it's a tropical pair of dice.
What's a gamblers favorite dessert?
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