Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinweight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican take anti anxiety medication

For Hispanic attacks

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2021
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Diced an onion
πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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What would happen if a dice would fall off a cliff?

It dice.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H4ckerxx44
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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Dice Game
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
For my first birthday, my father gifted me a set of gaming cubes supposedly owned by Al Capone...

I've been spending most my life playing with a gangster's pair of dice.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HerrDictator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
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Dice it up
πŸ‘︎ 389
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EC097
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The recipe said to dice the onion
πŸ‘︎ 502
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do dice prefer to be in groups of two?

Because then it's a pair-a-dice

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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One day, Anne decided to create some pencil and paper art. So she grabbed some of her chopped Terra Cotta and decided to create her art at a comedy club. There,

Anne Drew Diced Clay

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrueAidooo
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
🚨︎ report
"ΒΏCΓ³mo se dice 'nariz' en inglΓ©s?"

"ΒΏCΓ³mo?"

"No sΓ©."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WenDMegs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call an anti-semitic person who like dice games?

A Yaht-Zi

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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I accidentally swallowed my dice.

Now I am waiting for craps.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbaileysr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
He did dice it
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JGesick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Playing craps with toilet paper dice
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Catsask
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I misplaced two dice yesterday

Pair O' dice lost

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0rf999
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
🚨︎ report
To a gambler, paradise is in a pair of dice
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moose_da_goose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for Fresh Prints.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
[Request] puns about dice (for wedding favours)

Our wedding is next weekend, and we are giving out personalized dice as our favours. We thought "thank you for coming" was a little too bland, and we'd like to spice it up with a dice pun. Any pun suggestions that also tie into the cutesy wedding/romantic setting? So far I've found "we make a great pair" and a lot of puns around the word "dicey", but I'm hoping you fine folks can help us out.

Edit: We are huge gamers which is why we went with the dice. This isn't a Vegas wedding or anything similar, so jackpot related jokes aren't quite what we're looking for. :)

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kirstybobirsty
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the man eat the dice?

He wanted to get a taste of paradice.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmLuke0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a diced potato?

A sqaured root

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AVOCADOOOMANNN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
🚨︎ report
If i buy a German dice game where you have to get five of the same number..

Is it called Nahtzee?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What would you call a pig that obeys the laws of gravity?

A groundhog

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FurriesRGay14
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If you think pissing on the dice will help you win craps...

Urine luck

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siKing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper

Dicing with death.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A new strain of lice is going around that is resistant to conventional treatments.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thatdavidgeezer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
This is my home. Yes I live in an amish pair of dice.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dawnqwerty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
A new resort

I am thinking of establishing a holiday resort with gambling facilities.

It’ll be called Pair-A-Dice

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GSL76
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Real life dad joke. Yesterday I was cooking a stir fry and added some diced carrots β€˜for carrot-ness’, I said.

My daughter who was helping, added some peas, β€˜for pea-ness’ she said. Then fled laughing.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I lost my kids' college fund playing dice in Vegas.

I admit it was a crappy thing to do.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Showing my friend a 3-sided dice

Him:"Do you know 300-sided die exists"
'...'
"They are called golf balls"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chetlun
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I threw a couple of dice at my clothes

I was trying to die them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhFkItsHeav
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m terrible at rolling dice.

A real crap shoot

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
My favorite nautically-themed dice game...

is "yacht-sea"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CronoZero15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
🚨︎ report
So my dad asked "were there dice in the play Alice in Wonderland?"...

...And my mom says "no, there were cards, why?"

To which my dad responds, "oh that's too bad. If they needed an understudy, the director could say 'And tonight, the role of dice will be played by...'"

My mom just gave me the "why did I marry this guy" look. It was a nice moment.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ojbway
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2014
🚨︎ report
The casino was giving a lucky winner a Toyota.

It's a Corolla of the dice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13toycar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The Grim Reaper appeared in beside me when I was chopping up some carrots in my kitchen.

He took his scythe and started chopping the carrots with me. Very scary when you are dicing with death.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently misplaced some of my game pieces for Yahtzee, and honestly it’s been hell, so I decided to make some posters to put up around the apartment complex:

Pair of dice, LOST.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okaypuck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If there's no gambling in heaven...

... why do they call it para-dice?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How did Eddie Money get himself and a friend into the backgammon tournament?

Two tickets, two pair of dice.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/djvaller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a fish joke here...

But I don't think it's the right plaice to. I feel like I'll just flounder. I'm a dab hand with bad puns, though I'm probably gonna look like a right bass. I trout this'll be very popular. I mean, sal-mon, it's pretty bad. I think I need to tuna bit of it. I should ask my friend Hali-but she's probably busy. So no dice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is playing craps better in Hawaii?

Because it's a tropical pair of dice.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What's a gamblers favorite dessert?

Dice cream.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tunayafish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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