My 5yo off the top of her head: Why did the Lego cross the road?
To get to the other block.
(a tear was shed)
A turkey is about to cross the road
When suddenly the chicken appears and says, "Don't do it man, you'll never hear the end of it!"
A blonde woman is speeding down an empty road when she’s pulled over by a blonde cop. The cop walks up to her window and asks for her driver’s license.
“Driver’s license?” the blonde driver asks, somewhat confused.
“You know, the little rectangle with your face on it that you keep in your purse,” the blonde cop explains patiently.
“Oh, that!” the blonde driver exclaims. She digs around in her purse and finally pulls out a small rectangular mirror, which she hands to the blonde cop.
The blonde cop looks at the mirror and exclaims, “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am, you’re free to go…I didn’t realize you were a cop!”
Edit: Some people in the comments are saying that this is not a dad joke, I put this here cause my dad told this one to me. Hope this makes sense :)
There's a shop down my road selling glasses that are 50% off.
They are perfect for pirates.
Today I crossed the road, walked into a bar and changed a lightbulb.
Then I realized my whole life was a joke.
Two carrots were crossing the road and one gets hit by a car.
The doctor says I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that your friend is alive, the bad news is he will always be a vegetable.
Yesterday, I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letter tiles on the road.
I asked him, "So what's the word on the street?"
What do you call the space between a super models boobs?
Why did the skeleton not cross the road?
During our holiday road trip, I unilaterally changed our last name to “Thereyet”.
Are we there yet?
Why yes we are.
Snores loudly and car careens off road
From my 6 year old. Why did the nutcracker cross the road?
what do you call a hole in the road on May 5th?
From my 8 year old. "Hey Dad, why did Steve cross the road?"
To get to the other block.
Why did the dog cross the road?
Because the side he was on was too ruff.
I bought a belt off of Amazon from a company called Orion. I was hoping it would be the best belt I'd ever owned, but it was just so-so.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
/r/Comical/comments/rsclv…
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Cuz it fell in the crack!
We tried to invite Gandalf on our Road Trip…
But he told us to fly, fools
Just got laid off at work (NOT A JOKE)
Please give me the best dad jokes you got
Edit (10/8): WOW. I did not expect to get this many upvotes or awards, let alone this many dad jokes this early. Thank you all for helping me laugh/groan this entire coming weekend. Keep em coming!
Edit 2: 10K???!! I’m at a loss for words guys. Thank you so much for the love and making me laugh and groan my ass off for the next 3 months straight. Let’s make it 4! ♥️
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
I'm sure he'll come around, eventually.
Why did the dad joke cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because it was secretly working for the sidewalk.
Can you recommend a better way to scrape ice off my windshield?
I used my discount card but could only get 20% off.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the crosswalk light was green!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the library.
What did the chicken ask for at the library?
Book Book
When discussing book club suggestions with her friend the frog what did the frog say?
Reddit
Looking for inspiration the chicken went to the book store staffed by young birds.
Everything was cheap cheap
My son knocked a picture of himself off the shelf.
He looked devastated. I told him, "Don't worry about it, champ. Pick yourself up".
Due to this sub's unending debate about what equals a "Dad Joke", I have my own measure for whether or not to upvote/award... It must be more than some lame, unimaginative, "heard it 1000 times" pun. I just reviewed whether the top 10 jokes off all time from this sub meet this standard, and sadly...
I told my kids my super-hero name would be: Mr. Pee Pee
because, if you see me, ... urine trouble!
Don’t blame others for the road that you’re on...
My 9-year-old daughter just made a dad joke to be super proud of!
My 15 year old asked me to call the dog.
Me: What should I call him?!
15: ugh, dad, call him by his name!
Wife: But he doesn't have a phone, how can I call him?
9-year-old: Well he DOES have collar ID!
I couldn't be more proud of that child!
My wife said to me “take off my dress” so I did. Then she said “take off my bra.” And I did. She then said “take off my panties.” Then I did.
She finished by saying “don’t wear my clothes anymore!”
My stocks looked like they were on the road to a Green day
But it was just a boulevard of broken dreams
When a Cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid, she becomes a
A cabbage crossed the road but got hit by a car.
Must have been a bumper crop.
Why did the egg cross the road?
It was racing the chicken to see who came in 1st.
My 7yo just dropped this nugget on us: What do you call it when giraffes are all crammed together and having trouble moving?
Yesterday, I purchased some boots off a drug dealer…
I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day!
My son asked my husband "What happens when you eat 20 mushrooms super fast?"
I never believed that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker,
but when I got home all the signs were there.
Why did the pie cross the road?
I was up super early this morning and I started wondering what time the sun would rise
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Why didnt the toilette paper cross the road?
Why did the rotten chicken cross the road?
To get to the Gross-rystore
Why didn't the skeleton Cross the road
Because it didn't have the guts
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
I’m sure he’ll come around, eventually.
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