Strang Puns

I can always count on them

. . . . .

All over the world countries are trying to flatten the curve.

I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight."

I had Stranger Things to watch.

These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.

I guess shift happens.

Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?

Which is strange because I'd never seen herbivore

Because there’s no honor amongst Steves.

It hit the Spot.

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

What a strange pair-a-docs.

It means nothing to them.

He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.

"What's up?" he says.

"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.

“You rotten bastard," says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!”

Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.

Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.

One has strings and the other has strangs.

Then I noticed they were outside the mint.

His mate Mick visited him.

Mick: "I see you have 2 new goldfish, what do you call them Paddy?"

Paddy: "I named them ONE and TWO"

Mick: "Those are strange names, why did you call them that??"

Paddy: "Well Mick, if ONE dies, I've still got TWO!"

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Everytime I knock on her door she won't let me Inn.

Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".

then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar!

I don’t know what to make of it.

But I accidentally bought the Wong one

He has some very good CAPEabilities.

You're really testing my patients.

It's the only word with a double u in it

Dad: You told me to change the baby.

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass.' Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said.

Sorry, had to mow the lawn.'

He spoke very highly off it.

It’s enough to make a mango crazy.

Guess you could say he has a Sister complex...

Have benedicted to Cumberbatch...

It gave me pause.

Well, It's Not Unusual.

I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”

Cue-Cumberbatch

You might get hearing AIDS.

This is about a school janitor who murders children at the school he works at, and I’m looking for either a pun about cleaning or a pun that can somehow tie in murder/violence with cleaning in some way. Strange request, I know.

je ne sais quack.

I just came to my feat!

"That's ok, I say, I am often a faux pa"

He called it a Benedict 'Cumber Batch.

2019 will be odd too.

He was presented a beautiful lady and told he had to kill her with cannibalism. This fighter has a good heart and could never do this, but if he did not oblige than both would die. He beat her to death and fed on the remains. Afterwards, it was revealed that the lady was actually quite evil and murdered children.

The camera pans out, it's Russell Crowe, he is Glad-he-ate-her.

Numbers that aren't divisible by 2.

But the wife said "Who?"

It was exhausting!

It was a real unique corn.

When Dermatologist finishes looking me over, he asks if anything strange was on my penis. ( I was wearing undies). I said " once in awhile the wife"

I was walking along the food court when I saw this one animal that was incredibly overdressed compared to the others. While most where in their uniform, this one was in a red and gold robe, and was strangely being followed by a bunch of Buddhist monks.

I asked one of the customers if it was an Alpaca Packer.

They said no.

It's the Deli Llama.

I can't make heads or tails of it

I said, “Don’t worry. You’ll come around eventually.”

Nice to meet you, "Hate You Company!"

https://www.reddit.com/r/Rainbow6/comments/9ratic/ubisoft_im_hate_you_company_im_waiting_for/e8feb5j?utm_source=reddit-android

they call me Nostrildamus

They're uncanny.

But I think he would still appreciate the iron-knee

He was at the peak of productivity

Sounds strange, dozen-tit?

Must have been a poultry-geist...

Turns out it was just a pipe dream.

He replied, “Thanks dad! I’ve been practicing a lot!"

Dr Strange(r)s...

You’re welcome.

In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.

One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.

The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.

Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, “I recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”

Soon after, another said, “and that’s his 8th, backwards!”

After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:

“Never fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”

I find it strange that blind people walk their dogs so much.

I thought to myself, “The streets seem strangely desserted…”

It may sound strange, but my fingers are my most reliable body part...

>!I can always count on them... !<

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."

...First I found a hat full of money...Then I got chased down the road by an angry man with a guitar?

I said, “No. I have Stranger Things to watch.”

I told her no. I had Stranger Things to watch.

I said, “No. I got Stranger Things to watch.”

What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

What a strange way to start a conversation with me...

A very odd year

I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”

I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please!"

I said, “Thank you very much, I’ll have it with milk and two sugars please.”