A little sus
A jolly rancher
Like, it’s basic meth
I don’t know what to make of it.
"No, I'm fairly certain it was my mother."
Credit to B.C. (comic strip), most likely paraphrased since I read it many a moon ago, though I'm fairly certain the punchline is very close to the original.
And I prefer the latter.
Step 1: take off your glasses
Step 2: say: 'I'm afraid I can't see you anymore!'
Step 1. Go to a farm.
Step 2. Go to the chicken coop.
Step 3. Find a baby chicken and pick it up.
An elevenant
So I'm posting this from the upstairs computer
I'm sitting here on the couch watching him run back and forth across the room while he makes race car noises. After a few minutes, I ask him what he's doing.
He replies, "I'm passing stool!"
...What have I created?
Hugh Jefferts has a lot to answer for.
We have a 15 year old dog who's getting old and gets sick a lot. Tonight was a pretty bad night for her, moving slowly, lathargic, not acting like herself. All of a sudden she starts heaving, then after throws up the most we've ever seen.
Mom: "Ahh poor thing, I feel so ba...OMG WHERE DID THAT ALL COME FROM?"
Step Dad: "Looks like it came from her mouth."
I lost it for a good 5-10 minutes.
Dog is feeling much better now! :)
Tim Horton's should play music by The Who and The Guess Who. Whenever someone is asked "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", especially to younger people that don't listen to classic rock, they might not know. You can tell them, in a real coy (not Real McCoy) manner, that it is what Horton hears in the Dr. Seuss books. If they guess correctly, they could win a prize. If not, tell them either to really "Guess Who is playing this music" or "Who is playing this music", and see if they catch on.
*The idea for this is from listening to all the times my dad would make us Guess Who was playing the song in the car or he would say Who is playing this song right now and we would guess incorrectly until we caught on. It's a long running dad joke, so you better catch it before it takes off.
