A list of puns related to "StarOffice"
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right: the Very model of a modern major general.
Reading the nameplate on her desk the frog begins, “Good morning Miss Whack, my name is Kermit and I need a loan.”
“Okay Kermit, I’ll need some more information, named after your father, the famous muppet, I assume?”
“No, but I get that a lot. It’s Jagger, my dad is the rock star Mick Jagger”
“Oh I apologize Mr. Jagger, didn’t realize Mick had any frog children. The last thing we’ll need is some sort of collateral to guarantee the loan. “
Kermit Jagger reaches into his pocket, pulls out a small plastic elephant and puts it on the desk between them saying “I think this will suffice.”
Looking down in confusion at the trinket she says “this is rather unusual Mr Jagger, I’ll need to consult with my manager.” Shouting into the next office she says, “Bob can you come in here for a second?”
“What’s up Patty?” The manager asks.
“Kermit here just gave me this plastic elephant as collateral for a loan. Have you ever seen anything like this before?”
“Of course” Bob responds. “It’s a knick nack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡A number of years ago I was in a rock band. We were hugely successful, playing some of the biggest venues and entertaining swarms of fans.
The last shoes we ever played were on our world tour. We played the Americas and then flew over to Europe. We played our way through Russia and even a couple of gigs in China, before selling out our final show in Japan.
It was a hell of a Journey, but it was time for me to hang up my guitar. I retired from the rock star life and got an office job in Tokyo.
I made a few friends at work, and grew close with one in particular, Narada-san. One day Narada had the day off for a funeral, but that wasn't enough; he needed more time. He was torn between his obligation to return to work and his desire to have more time at home. He asked me what he should do.
The answer was simple. I picked up my guitar and played a Japanese version of our biggest hit from 1981:
Don't Stop Bereaving
My grandfather or Pa, as I called him gave my an absolute gem.
He was actually my step mother's dad and we already called my other grandfather Papa, so we called him 'Pa Ulb' - Ulb being his surname.
He was an incredible artist and would paint awesome things for us or on our bedroom walls. I remember he painted me a massive Star Wars piece on one of my walls when Episode 1 came out. I was only about about 6 at the time and remember being scared of Darth Maul. From this we used to joke around that Darth Maul would come and get me if I did anything wrong. Sort of like a police officer watching my every move, to ensure I behaved.
This carried on as a joke until he died 2 years ago, when I had done something wrong he said he'd call the police and get Maul to take me away. When he did die he had just finished an incredible painting of Darth Maul as a police officer. It was amazing! My parents could make sense of it and weren't sure if it was him that had painted it, so they flipped it over because he used to always write Pa Ulb Art and the title of the painting.
Surely enough on the back it said Pa ulb Art - Maul Cop.
Liam Neeson is a huge movie star. He is so busy filming and traveling that he rarely checks his correspondence. One day, he goes to the post office so he can receive all his letters and a mailman asks him to sign a check out sheet. As Liam reads the paper, he notices something odd: right next to his name, the mailman wrote his name backwards. When asking why, the mailman replies: "it's not your name, sir, it's just that since you rarely come here, you haven't seen your mail before and I just wrote it down as a note".
And he was right, for Liam Neeson had "no seeN maiL".
The end.
He orders nothing, and instead just sits down at the bar and begins reading a newspaper.
“What’ll it be?” Asked the bartender.
“Nothing.” Replied the communist, his face concealed behind the newspaper.
“You don’t want anything?” Said the bartender.
“No!” Replied the communist.
“Look,” said the bartender “you can’t just sit at the bar and read without ordering anything. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Do you know who I am?” Asked the communist, as he slowly lowered the newspaper, revealing combed back black and grey hair, a large, bushy mustache, and a neatly kept Officer uniform with two gold stars pinned to the left breast.
The bartender stepped back, shocked. “Well now you’re just Stalin!”
I figured who better to ask about a silly pun than the good folks over here at /r/dadjokes? I'm going to be in a spelling bee and I need a good name that matches up with a good costume theme. To give examples these are my two previous iterations:
"Punktuation" - Dressed as punk rockers
"Bee Me Up, Scotty!" - Dressed as Star Trek officers
If anyone has a good idea let me know and I will post pics from the event on October 24th. If you don't care to help then...umm...continue being dads.
EDIT FOR CLARITY: People are making some great suggestions for names, but I should have clarified that this is for a team of 3 people. So proper names are not really going to work...stick to the format I have described in this post!
From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns
What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!
Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!
Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short
What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi
What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks
What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be
Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul
Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!
Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!
Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.
Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.
Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.
What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.
What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda
What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2
Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt
What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? “The” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.
What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.
What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.
What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2
Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.
Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt
Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi
What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe
What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett
What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke
Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.
Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn
What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones
Why did
... keep reading on reddit ➡So my dad told me this joke several years ago. I later found it on the internet. So I'm just pasting it here as it is written online:
A good looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said ‘I want to be a movie star.’ Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, ‘What’s your name?’
The guy said, ‘My name is Penis van Lesbian.’
The agent said, ‘Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are going to have to change your name.’
‘I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever!’
The agent said, ‘Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years… you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I’m telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.’
‘So be it! I guess we will not do business together’ the guy said and he left the agent’s office.
FIVE YEARS LATER….. The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed:
Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood and you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.
Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn
... keep reading on reddit ➡Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.