Staple knocker Puns

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

“Would you mind telling me what happened?”

“Are you sure? It’s a little on the long-winded side. I know how you hate things that go on and on…”

“Well, the way I see it, we have all the time in the world. Given the unique place we’re in.”

“The unique place? Where are you referring to?”

He smiled.

“Everywhere”

I

Never underestimate the lengths someone will go to to fulfil a lifelong desire.

As I sat in my room with my list of essential items, as dictated by the book, I contemplated how I’d even gotten here some months prior. It’s astounding how just one piece of information, one decision, one solitary but powerful emotion can push a person to places they never thought they’d go to.

But, here I am, wrapping up the head of a Deer in delicate parchment paper, careful to ensure that it’s folded 47 times. Not 48, not 50, 47. The blood soaking through the bottom and giving it a crimson hue that paired well with the beige. Beside it sat a serrated hunting knife, the bone of an Elk, the skull of an Owl, 2 incisors from a bear and a small mixing bowl with various herbs.

All given without resistance or pain, as the book dictated.

I carefully placed them into a burlap sack, tightened it and placed that in my hiker’s backpack before donning my winter gear and getting my dog, Bastion, before heading out the door.

I knew I may not ever come back again.

The Doorway, said to be guarded by the mythical lord Janus, has been referenced in many cultures and across the millennia by scholars. What lay beyond it, of course, differs from person to person. Treasures, curses, god itself, you can take your pick. Some say the door manifests to wandering travellers when they least expect it, offering them whatever their heart desires at the cost of something unseen; likely their sanity or an empirical value, they would have no way of knowing about at the present moment in time like an unborn son. Others postulate that it appears to only those chosen by the gods, with the right blood and belief systems in place.

But the most scintillating of practices and rumours are the ones found in The Book Of Gnomes that, after a decade of tireless searching, had finally come into my possession at an auction. They gave the most likely of answers to the location of the door. One stooped in ancient human culture: Offerings.

Written some time in the 8th century and translated largely in secret during the dark ages, it contains the secrets of England’s woods and the ancient creat

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Nothing, he was gladiator.

1. Sonny Boy

2. Aquatope

3. Magia Record

4. Kageki Shoujo

5. Girlfriend, Girlfriend

6. Tsukimichi Moonlit Fantasy

7. Dragon Maid

8. Idaten

9. Uramichii Oniisan

10. Love Live

11. Fena

12. Tokyo Revengers

13. To You Eternity

14. Vanitas

15. Artiswitch

16. Villainess

17. Slime S2 P2

18. DragonQuest Dai

19. Death Battle in 5 seconds

20. Remake Our Life

21. Night Head 2041

22. Jahy

23. Standing on a Million Lives

24. Black Company

25. Peach Boy Riverside

26. Megami

27. Realist Hero

28. D_cide

29. Scarlet Nexus

Sonny Boy – After the first episode I pegged this as the likely Anime of the season. I did try to temper my expectations a bit since I was worried this may be another Wonder Egg. Luckily it wasn’t. Sonny Boy at its core is a simple character growth story. However, it is covered with tons of symbolism and surrealism. The characters were great, the story was good, the themes were good, the directing was amazing, and the music was fantastic. Some people found the ending to be a bit disappointing, but I think it gets the job done. Sonny Boy is a great watch just don’t expect to understand everything.

Aquatope – Looks like the first half is finally finished. It was an emotional ride with a great cast of characters. I can understand this not being to everyone’s taste. It is a slow burn and heavy on the drama, but in my opinion, it was one of the best shows of the season. It also helped that it looked absolutely gorgeous at times.

Magia Record S2 – The first 4 episodes are incredibly good. Story had better direction, characters actually getting moments, payoffs for a number of arcs, and some great animation as well. Sadly, this could not be kept up because Shaft has to Shaft. Episode 5 is largely fine. Episode 6 is an unwatchable mess that even if fixed in the bluray would be a bad directionless episode. Episode 7 and 8 are improvements but the obvious shortcuts taken to get the episode out on time certainly hold back the improved storytelling. It is an improvement over the first season with some high highs but also some low lows. I would still say this is the upper echelon of shows this season, the first half in my opinion was just that good. I think a lot of my disappointment with the second half is largely from expectations from how good the first half was. Well that and concern over the directio

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

I won't be doing that today!

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[Removed]

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

After all his first name is No-vac

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

Him: I can explain everything!

(It's his best joke yet I think)

BamBOO!

Bob

So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."

Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

When I got home, they were still there.

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.