Stalin tunic Puns

- Comrades Yüt’ Üok, Laas’ Assun, and Milka’ Akk please enter the room. The First leader is awaiting. -

Said the Crab-like alien, they have four legs, two giant claws as any earth evolved Crab but with tentacles beneath the claw which made it possible to manipulate small objects and make them to the space stage. They were using a white and black tunic on the torso and some red straps on the legs, straps that carried medals and others honorably titles. They entered the room, it wasn’t underwater but instead had a very humid environment. The three entered the room, they weren’t apprehensive. No. The First leader is not a leader anymore, he had no real power and probably would just give some tips as they become members of the species council.

- First, congratulations. You deserved it, the people and the council have elected you three to this position.

Congratulated the First leader with “tics” leaving his mouth as this was their form of verbal communication. His shell is very thick and gray - a sign of his very old age.

- Now. I will tell why, why we operate in the way we do, why, besides all... Disadvantages we keep allied with the United Earth Government. You think that this is bullshit, that the old ones are too traditionalist, that it doesn’t make any sense, it’s always like this. An old trio leaves and a new one comes in, eager, wanting to change everything. Thinking that the only reason that we keep that is that we adopted a human government ideology. -

The three grew in size, a signal of anxiety and stress. An armed guard moved in their direction and the First leader dispensed the soldier.

- No need to feel that way, we are all friends, all comrades. -

- I was born a slave, as you all know in the history books. It says that we made a revolution because enough was enough. No. It was because humanity made an enemy, and they were our oppressors. -

“ATTENTION, ATTENTION, SHIP UNDER RAID, ALL SECURITY PERSONAL ON COMBAT POSITIONS!” Aüt’ Üaa - soon to be known as the First Leader was in a dark cell, cramped with his own kind. He heard loud explosions, but the hull seemed to be intact. He prayed in his mind to something, some god, some higher being to kill his slavers, even if he had to die. Some in his cell were in fear to die, but many wished to die before they go to another labor camp. More explosions, it was getting near his cell. He heard some laser weapon being fired, the noise of the batteries on full power, and then - light. A biped cre

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Do your worst!

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

BamBOO!

They’re on standbi

Pilot on me!!

Christopher Walken

Nothing, he was gladiator.

This is a translation I personally made of Alberto Moravia's book "Un' idea dell' India" (An idea of India).

Alberto Moravia went in India in 1960 and collected his impressions in this book.

Previous chapters :

First : https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/qcxkxu/1960_italian_book_about_india_an_idea_of_india_un/

Second: https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/qn3iza/1960_italian_book_about_india_an_idea_of_india_un/

Third: https://www.reddit.com/r/india/comments/qt2dyr/the_pyres_of_benares_third_chapter_of_1960s/

Nehru, the intellectual

New Delhi, founded by the British to become the capital of the Indian empire and inaugurated in 1929, twenty years earlier of the liquidation of that same empire, reminds from one side, the political and administrative capitals that the Anglo-Saxon civilization has spread around the world, and from the other , the despotical cities which the ephemeral monarchies established in India, for example the dead ciy of Fatepuhr Sikri, at the doors of Agra.

There are, in New Delhi, both the insipid grandiosity of the British commercial imperialism, and the beribboned solemnity of Indian despotism. The vice-king, a common citizen in the democratic England, here, turned into a racist autocrat, head of a white-skinned caste which, in this Country of castes, proclaimed itself as caste superior to all the others, Brahmins included. Torn between his double Indian and European nature, incapable of uniting the British culture, traditionally tolerant, with the practice of absolute power, the colonialism sought shelter in a bureaucratic and military formalism consisting of complicated etiquette, prestigious uniforms, picturesque parades, adorned elephants and equestrian exhibitions.

It was believed that the Indians were “Oriental” and they wanted to enchant them with an “Oriental” charm; needless to say, it was a Victorian Orient, that is, how the petty burgeoise of the industrial cities of England imagined it. New Delhi has the mark of this colonialist conception: its melancholic and straight boulevards, at the end of which, there's often a tiny triumpha

Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.

This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.

If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.

Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.

What did 0 say to 8 ?

" Nice Belt "

So What did 3 say to 8 ?

" Hey, you two stop making out "

When I got home, they were still there.

I won't be doing that today!

Or would that be too forward thinking?

[Removed]

Where ever you left it 🤷‍♀️🤭

This morning, my 4 year old daughter.

Daughter: I'm hungry

Me: nerves building, smile widening

Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.

She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.

Thank you all for listening.

There hasn't been a post all year!

You take away their little brooms

It was about a weak back.

Why

It’s pronounced “Noel.”

What, then, is Chinese rap?

Edit:

Notable mentions from the comments:

• Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits

• French/Finnish art

• Country/Canadian rap

• Chinese/Country/Canadian rock

• Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap

There hasn't been a single post this year!

(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)

Nothing, it just waved

After all his first name is No-vac