Spice 1 Puns

He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"

Wife: "I wish we had more spice in our lives."

Me: "I live pretty spicy."

Wife: confused face

Me: "I'm always jalapeño way."

I found a recipe in a magazine but I wasn't sure about it because the recipe calls for thyme and a bunch of other spices. I had them all, but unfortunately they were all expired. I decided to make them anyways, took them to a party, and they ended up all being eaten, everyone thought they were delicious. I guess what they say is true.

People love that old thyme Moroccan roll.

Because his only spice was AAARRgano.

Spice

When I went into the kitchen I noticed this near-empty spice bottle, when I realized what it was I had to hurry into the living room before the haircut as I pulled out this classic line with the bottle in-hand.

“We have to hurry! I didn’t realize we were running out of thyme!”

I felt like the universe planted that perfectly for me.

I learned from the best, then I cut his hair.

Sage is the best spice

But my wife won't let me name our Cat "Style" We are both missionaries and i just wanted to spice things up.

The doctor examines him, sprinkles salt and spices on him and just like that, he's cured.

A spice-lolly.

Babe & I tried to spice things up so as to improve our sex duration

But as a 2 mins guy I came on thyme, as usual

White girl in the back: Hold my pumpkin spice latte.

A Scandinavian farmer discovered that brewing herbs and spices and mixing it with some sugar made for an excellent and healthy way to start the day.

He called it Svede tea

It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.

Researchers have discovered that when mixed with spices found in popular Hispanic dishes, ground peanuts make a great meat substitute!

It's also been found that an offshoot of the banana family, when fried, makes an awesome faux-fish sandwich!

Craving a frozen treat, but can't handle dairy? Some have found that chilled grapes and prunes can hit that sweet spot in a healthy way!

Keep experimenting with cruelty-free ideas!

TL/DR:

If you like peanut-chiladas, and getting cod from plantains, if you're not into yogurt 'cause you have lactose pains, you could make a lovely delight with some prunes and some grapes. Here's the grub that you've looked for, get that meat off your plate!

What did the spice say when someone knocked on their door?

Cumin.

I knocked on the door and his wife answered. She told me that Mick was in the barn so I went around back to find him.

I opened the door to the barn and to my complete horror, Mick was pole dancing in a leotard on a combine harvestor

Me: What the hell are you doing??

Mick: Well, you know how my wife and I have been having marriage problems. We went to go see a counselor and he said to put some spice back in the relationship i had to do something sexy to a tractor.

I'm looking for a few spice/herb related puns, specifically:

• Black Pepper
• Cinnamon
• Garlic Powder
• Paprika
• Nutmeg
• Chili Powder
• Basil
• Tumeric
• Onion Powder
• Curry Powder

Any ideas are appreciated!

We were watching Cars 2. In this movie, there is a scene where one of the characters, 'Mater' (a happy go lucky 'southern' towtruck) eats a bunch of wasabi thinking it's pistachio icecream. My 3 year old turns to me and says " hehe, he ate spice-cream" then burst out laughing.

Ordered a pumpkin spice coffee:

Barista when it's ready: "Pumpkin?"

Me: "What did you just call me?"

Dead silence.

Today my chef asked me to grab her some spices. I yelled from outside " I'm cumin, just give me some thyme "

Would you call them a Spice Rack?

They only listen to the Bee-side.

Bonus: what would be the perfect line-up for a bee concert?

The Beegees, Sting and Queen.

Bonus 2: Bees' favorite Spice Girls song?

Wannabee.

Bonus 3: Favorite classical artist?

Ludwig van Beethoven.

Bonus 4: Favorite cartoon?

Beevis and Buzzhead.

I'll stop now, before everyone flies off the handle and tells me to buzz off.

This’ll definitely spice up my autobiography in the end.

Our wedding is next weekend, and we are giving out personalized dice as our favours. We thought "thank you for coming" was a little too bland, and we'd like to spice it up with a dice pun. Any pun suggestions that also tie into the cutesy wedding/romantic setting? So far I've found "we make a great pair" and a lot of puns around the word "dicey", but I'm hoping you fine folks can help us out.

Edit: We are huge gamers which is why we went with the dice. This isn't a Vegas wedding or anything similar, so jackpot related jokes aren't quite what we're looking for. :)

Or is it just Fanta sea?
Coke in a spiced rum,
No Pepsi nor Snapple tea.
Open you Barq’s, drink up your Slice, then pee!

We were talking about our favorite foods and the meatball said its favorite food was cinnamon. I was confused since cinnamon isn't usually thought of as a food but more of a spice. So I told him, "That's a spice, e-meatball."

edit: "I found an online...." not "So I was found..."

My mother-in-law was visiting and my wife was showing off her new spice rack. I picked up the thyme and handed it to her. I immediately asked for it back. But then I gave it to her again. And asked for it back.

She looked at me very puzzled and asked "What are we doing?

I replied" Just passing Thyme."

She had a spice-rack

Husband: "Usually in the spice rack."

The paprika turns to the other who was lagging behind and says "Cayenne, hurry up!!!" The other spice looks up and says "I'm Cumin!"

I need to write a bit about "digital footprints" for a class.

I figured I should throw a few foot puns in to spice things up.

However, soon I found that trouble was afoot.

I'm starting to run dry and am close to being dead on my feet.

Can I get a few extra hands (and feet) to throw in some ideas?

Toe/heel/knee puns also welcome.

Maybe I should get a spice rack?

Dad walks about of the pantry holding an empty bottle of spice.

"We're almost out of thyme!"

Mom shakes her head, "he's been waiting years to say that."

@KFC has over 1 million followers, but only follows 11 people

5 Spice girls, and 6 guys named Herb

11 Herbs & Spices

(Seriously, check it out https://twitter.com/kfc)

Which Spice Girl can carry the most petrol? Geri Can.

So my dad and I were having a pun-off using spices as our source material. ("Did not see that cumin," etc. etc.)

I finally stump him and he tries "I poppyseed what you did there." I tell him that poppyseed is not a spice (not sure about this but I sounded sure of myself) and ask him to name at least one thing that has ever been spiced with poppyseed.

His reply... "Mommy-seed"

My girlfriend was seasoning the soup

I asked, "What spice is that?"

She replied "Sage".

"Sounds wise".

.....So, I'm gonna be practicing, and homebrewing some Xmas-spiced hard cider soon, so I'll have it mastered by December. I was hoping y'all could give me some punny ideas for the labels I'll eventually be making....cheers for any help!

She was looking through the spices asking me what I wanted.

Her: Garlic?

Me: Yes.

Her: Onion Powder?

Me: No.

Her: Thyme?

Me: 8:18.

She didn't think it was as funny as I did unfortunately.

My wife was organizing her spices, and came to me with something on her hands.

"I spilled my thyme, now I have way too much thyme on my hands! I should find something productive to do with it."

After wiping it off, she said "Sorry, I'm not cooking today. Just don't have enough thyme on my hands for it."

I'm so proud of her, LMAO!