Special Shabbat Puns

I'm (liberally) observantly Jewish (as an Asian American convert) and having escaped foster care placement and other childhood traumas, Shabbat is really important to me for similar reasons I am have been drawn to towards medicine. I do break Shabbat to "save a life" and my observance isn't perfect although I would strive for it to be. However, I would really prefer not to have to violate Shabbat for ceremonies and classes where no one is dying or even has an acute medical complaint requiring intervention.

Is this week’s Shabbat service going to be special in any way? I was thinking of trying a new synagogue and was wondering if this coming Shabbat (and/or the one after) will be especially good? (Maybe because of proximity to high holidays and their being the first friday services of the new year?)

Also, how is Erev Sukkot and/or morning Sukkot? Yizhkar?

I guess what I want to know is, what are some services in the near future that would be good/special ones to go to? The ones you don’t wanna miss?

https://twitter.com/letortuga42/status/1005294267743514624?s=09

My immediate family works Saturdays as well, but we are reform so this is normal.

I’m looking for suggestions on how to make Shabbat meaningful for our family. We have no practicing relatives nearby. Our shul is small and a considerable drive from our home. Our schedules are crazy and by Friday afternoon I’m exhausted and need a break from ALL people. I need to turn this around before our kids are all grown & out of the house. I’m burned out and need advice! Thanks

I am sorry if this is not the right place to post. My understanding is that the sabbath (Shabbat? I’m sorry if I’m not using the correct term) begins at sundown on Friday and goes till sundown on Saturday. Are there any special rules for places like Alaska where some towns don’t have sunlight for several of the winter months? Or for when sundown is just really late in the evening? I’m just curious to know.

Hey everyone! I hope you all had a good shabbat. My mom and I have been working on being recognized by the Portuguese Government as Sefaradim. We live in Brazil and after a very long process mom and I just received our first voting mail after our citizenships came out. So we are oficially recognized by the Portuguese government as Portuguese Sefaradim! This makes me very emotional – it was one of my grandma's biggest wishes to see our family oficially recognized, she was born in Portugal but left when she was a young adult, she kept her Jewish traditions even through oppression. She just passed unexpectedly three weeks ago, on the 29th of December – I miss her so much and had she lived just another two weeks, she would see mom and I voting for Portugal. But I know she knows we did it. This is very emotional for mom and I, specially because grandma just died and we still can't quite believe it, we loved her very much. I just wanted to share this good news with you all. Shalom!

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

Where does the tradition of having separate, or nicer clothes for shabbos originate? Does it persist throughout the Sephardic and mizrahim in addition to Ashkenazim? I am curious. Thanks for your replies.

Shavua tov everyone! Future MOT here. I'm starting to get my own Judaica. Unfortunately I don't have a ton of coins to spend since I'm still a somewhat broke college student. I decided to start first with Shabbat stuff, namely candlesticks, kiddush cup, etc. I think it's a great first step and I think it would make the celebration more special if I have stuff to use specifically for shabbat. In particular, I'm getting tired of using tea lights. :P

Anyways, does anyone have recommendations for online (ship to USA) Judaica stores that aren't too expensive where I could get this stuff? There is one Judaica store not too far from me, their selection is beautiful, and I know it's great to support local businesses... but they're definitely way too expensive for me :/

Double Question Time!

What are some of your favorite online Judaica stores (I say online because the closest in person stores are over three hours away)?

And secondly since I’m converting, I will be building the family Judaica items from scratch. I might be able to find some candlesticks amongst my late grandma’s things and could try to embroider a challah cover (or several of them). But there are so many different items and options I’m not sure where to start. I know it’s a process that will take time. So what would you deem the “must have” items to start with?

I know it isn’t absolutely important to have special items set aside but I would like to have items to pass to future children. And feel the items would make those moments in our lives, like lighting the Shabbat candles, more meaningful and special.

Do your worst!

This is a repost. I am not the original poster.

This was originally posted 4-3 years ago by u/ReservoirKat on r/fuckHOA. Extra- special thanks to u/ReservoirKat for granting permission to repost!

HOA turned off my pool fob because my disability is "distracting"

https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/6lywcl/hoa_turned_off_my_pool_fob_because_my_disability/

Okay, so when we moved in to our condo, our HOA was actually pretty good. But ever since one crazy old bat got on the board, everything has gone downhill.

It all started at the end of last summer. I'm disabled. I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and fibromyalgia, and I use a cane to walk. As part of my physical therapy, I used to pool to do hydrotherapy routines. No one I had met minded this as I only took up a corner of the pool.

But after being witnessed doing water therapy by this old bat, everything changed. She got the nastiest look on her face, and informed me that I was taking up to much space in the pool and was distracting and detracting from others' enjoyment. It's a huge pool, and I'm not a big person!

Anyway, winter came and I thought that was the end of it, but I tried to go down to the pool a few weeks ago at the beginning of our vacation (my husband and I are teachers). Our pool fob had been turned off! And we called the HOA, and they sent us a bullshit form letter about us "violating pool rules" which we never have!

It's absolutely ridiculous that I know have to pay for a Y membership to do therapy when the pool is literally behind our condo all because one old bitch hates disabled people!

Relevant Comments:

• Posters generally suggest seeking legal advice to remedy the situation
• When asked what rules she supposedly broke: I found the letter and it mentions I was playing loud music, but I never play music at all at the pool. My guess is that my phone ringer was loud one day, and they latched on to that :/ Either that or I had a game on. Idk, it's complete bullshit, obviously either way.

Quick update: HOA turned off my pool fob because I'm disabled

https://www.reddit.com/r/fuckHOA/comments/6miy3o/quick_update_hoa_turned_off_my_pool_fob_because/

Hi guys! Thank you for all the wonderful advice you gave me last time. I called an old friend of mine tod

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

Have you ever celebrated alone with no family, no friends, and no community? How did you celebrate it?

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

I am becoming Torah observant and wanted to know if there are any tips or advice anyone could give me with the prayers and observing the Shabbat

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments