What do Demons store human souls in?

Sufferware

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πŸ‘€︎ u/QuizzicalQuandary
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Death came for my soul today

Thank god I was in the living room when he came

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kennycrab12
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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I'm quitting my soul sucking corporate job to be a marine biologist.

I've gotta find some porpoise in my life.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlooregardQKazooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?

A bae-blade.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquigglesMcJiggly
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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My MIL, rest her soul, asked about my background while I was dating my wife.

I was worried, as I'm a bit of a mutt.

She says she didn't care as long as I didn't have Roman hands or Russian fingers.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/forest-of-ewood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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Did you know soul singer Bill Withers had a brother called β€˜Bear’?

He wrote telephone hold music.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/norney
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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If you know you know
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/its_boogeyman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Why can't redheads be in blues or jazz bands?

They got no soul.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PNWKiwi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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What’s it called when you sell your soul to the Devil to be skinny?

Fausting

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-PeachesNGravy-
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an old ghost?

A boo-mer (also tell me if this joke has been done before)

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loser2818
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I’m a blues musician, so my wife is always saying how soulful I am.

Any chance she gets she will say, β€œYou are soul.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smaghammer
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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What's the heaviest part of your body?

Your skele-ton!

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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[Tribute to the singer/songwriter who passed away today] How do you turn a duck into a soul musician?

Put it in the microwave until its bill withers.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aaaaaidan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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What happened when the girl didn’t pay her exorcist

Her soul got repossessed

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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How does a redhead apply a bandaid?

Gingerly.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shakespearesbutt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I paid five cents for a dad joke, but it turned out to be an empty, derivative imitation, overly commercialized and lacking any real soul or talent.

Now I want my Nickelback.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Soul
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peter_griffins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
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Where do ghosts make their movies?

At Univer-soul Studios.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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I use my Kia Soul as a chicken coop.

I call it my hatchback.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnnyZillion
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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Just a soul

My friend was so obsessed with a ghost girl that people started assuming he's falling for her. So I asked him about the situation to which he responded by saying: "It's nothing serious. She's just a soul, mate"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Plata_y_Plomo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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I bought a puppy from a blacksmith earlier

Right away when we got home he made a bolt for the door.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchitzPopinov719
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I was wondering why Popeye keeps scratching himself at Soul Cycle...

Turns out he has a lot of spin itch...

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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Some American BBQ is considered soul food, whereas some Korean BBQ would be...

Seoul Food

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilone17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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Did you guys see the new Adventures of Tin Tin movie? His soul gets removed from his body and put into an industrial drum fan.

I'd rate it tin out of tin. Big fan

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DripSquirt
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
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Volemort splits his soul and puts part of it into a prostitute

Now he has a new whorecrux

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steven8765
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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What can you get for $100 at the "Queen of Soul" Christmas store?

A wreath a Franklin

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1sneakymidget
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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A lot of things are bad for your soul, but the worst of all?

Running

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papa-mack
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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Bless my soul!
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Losing my soul.

I was at a funeral a couple weeks ago. We went to church then the reception. Sitting next to my mom, brother and a couple aunts and uncles, I turned to my mom and told her, "I felt like I was losing my soul in church." I received a few astonished looks when my mom asked, "why would you say that?" I picked up my foot and showed her the sole of my shoe coming off.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woo545
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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censorship
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeaners7n9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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Everyone knows that Old King Cole was a merry old soul, but few know about his mandate that all his subjects had to eat cabbage and mayonnaise

It was Cole's Law.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fragglet
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I guess souls are made of

" souluble " materials.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OT7_4Life
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Okay... I'm not saying, that gingers don't have a soul...

I'm just saying... The dementors never went for Ron Weasley.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapyre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the devil go down to georgia?

because he lives there.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pengo101
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œA Tale of Lost Souls”
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cicada-Music
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I went on a 20 mile hike the other day

It was a soul-crushing experience.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aok76
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven until its Bill Withers.

(A tribute to Bill - RIP)

πŸ‘︎ 399
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkskiez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Oman! You’re about to read some terrible stuff.

β€œI live in Spain without the β€˜s’”.

This inspired me to come up with some truly terrible country-related jokes.

It’s about to Bahrain jokes without the β€œBah”.

  1. I have a double China without the β€œa”.

  2. Some people have told me that I look a lot like a German without the β€œan”.

  3. Oman, I think that one conspiracy about Israel Israel.

  4. You all probably want to hit me with Japan without the β€œJ”.

  5. You probably can’t Kuwait to stop reading these without the β€œKu”.

  6. Nowadays, car companies are focusing on making electric cars, but I Madagascar.

  7. As you’ve probably guessed, I don’t even have one Nepal without the β€œNe”.

All of these bad jokes made me Hungary so Iran to the nearest shop to get some food. Why am I always India-r need of food?

I sincerely apologise, fellow people. These jokes probably left a painful Denmark on your souls without the β€œDen”, of course.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anipanreads
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you make a duck sing soul?

Put it in the microwave until it’s Bill Withers.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ter9193
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer ?

Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Cook it till it's Bill Withers

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotANinja252
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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