Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..

[removed]

πŸ‘οΈŽ 49
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2020
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An English man, An Irish man and a Scots man walk into a bar...

Those were the days.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ImmediateConcept
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2020
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This shop Scot the idea 🏴󠁧󠁒󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
πŸ‘οΈŽ 728
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/M0useRatFan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 29 2017
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A English man, a Scots man and a Irish man...

... walk into a haunted house and see a Β£5 note on a table. The English man walks up to the table and hears a voice "I am the ghost of able Mable and that Β£5 note belongs on that table". He gets scared and runs away. The Irish man approaches the table and hears the same voice " I am the ghost of able Mable and that Β£5 note belongs on that table". He gets scared and runs away as well. The Scots man walks up to the table and hears the same voice " I am the ghost of able Mable and that Β£5 note belongs on that table". He says "I am the son of David Crocket and thatΒ£5 note belongs in my pocket".

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wolfie979
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2019
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What do you get if you cross a hitman and a scot?

Kilt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/m_moseby
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2018
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What do you call a Scots child who monopolizes the oyster counter at a seafood restaurant?

A raw bar bairn.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dwarven-Monk
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2014
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I'm here is Scotland and quarantine has me feeling all out of sorts...

And there is nothing worse for a Scot than being off kilter.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GrandpaMumbosChair
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 22 2020
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A scottish man was found dead after a serious bar fight...

The police are still searching for the person who kilt him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 65
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DragonFireKitty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2019
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I was writing a text, and Autocorrect changed β€œkilled” to β€œkilt”.

Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 337
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2018
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If a person smokes too much meth and goes on a killing spree because of it...

...there would be a meth-od behind his madness.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ThatMadSwampMonster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 20 2018
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I saw a Scottish Band perform last night...

They totally kilt it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/livinin82
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2016
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What time dose Sean Connery Arrive at Wimbledon

Ten-Ish

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SneakyBus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 06 2018
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Which language does a drunk Scotsman speak?

Scotch.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 59
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/muelleimer98
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 05 2015
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Actually if Scotland votes for independence it won't be so bad

Because the rest of the UK will get away scot-free.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 31
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jb2386
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 07 2017
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Overheard my Scottish passenger say this to his girlfriend while driving Uber today.

Driving them back to their house, he points over at a business and says to her "Maybe I should work for that company there?

She looks over and asks "Amscot?"

To which he replies "Yeah, I am Scot."

I laughed out loud.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Skarest
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 28 2016
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If Scotland votes YES on its independence referendum...

... then rest of Britain will go away scot-free.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 62
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CountofAccount
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2014
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A terribly good one from my Dad this evening.

As soon as I get home for the weekend he opens with the question: "Do you know why there are a lot of Scots called Donald but very few called Walt? Most people say it's because they think Walt is an English name but that's not true. It's because Walt always hits his head on the door. Why?

(In the worst Scottish accent imaginable) Because Donald Ducks but Walt Disney.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Uresus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2014
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Got the full facepalm

I walked in and my wife and her brother were talking about the Scottish referendum to leave the UK. Brother-in-law asked what I think. I said there is no chance they get away Scot-free.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 11 2014
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