I couldn't think of anything really new and humorous to say about my German sausage...

So I went to r/YourJokeButWurst to see if they had any advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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A man sitting in an interrogation room says β€œI’m not saying anything without my lawyer present!”

The policeman says β€œYou are the lawyer!”

β€œExactly, so where’s my present?” Replies the lawyer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stvbckwth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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A door to door salesman knocked on my door and before I could say anything he said, "A person's regular occupation, profession, or trade..."

Just from the first sentence, I knew he meant business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototype273
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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We once were questioning a perp who wouldn't say anything without his coarse file with cutting points instead of lines. After getting it, he immediately confessed...

He talked with a rasp.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Why did no one say anything when the Queen farted?

Because noble gasses don’t cause a reaction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DapperWizard416
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Whenever I say anything to my horse, he denies it, refuses it, opposes it, or is skeptical or cynical about it.

He's a real neighsayer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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My family was going around in a circle all making jokes. It got to my dad, and he didn’t say anything. I lean over and say to him:

”Dad, joke”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBudderBomb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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If 90Β° says anything in argument with the other angles, it's always correct.

Cuz it's the only right angle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thats-MEan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.

I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Do you know what Murphy's Law is? It says that "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." Do you know what Cole's Law is?

Thinly sliced cabbage.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NOTtheBrem
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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There really isn’t a pun for lethal injections, I mean if you think about it, even if you do say anything, your life is still in vein...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElectroIsland
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Anything Saitama says...

...is technically a punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/borg2525
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!!!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hobostarz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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I saw my ex in a party so I walked up to her to greet her. She saw me before I could say anything, saying: β€œI’m taken.” If she thought I was going to hit on her, then...

She’s definitely miss Taken.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DAY_DREAM3R
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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What did the germaphobe say to his wife when she asked if they forgot anything?

"Don't worry, we've got everything covered."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Realfaction180
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
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I learned something today. When the news anchor says, β€œIf you know anything about the crime, call the police,”

The cops get super pissed if you call them and re-tell the news story.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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The wife was nattering on and on at the outdoor maze, it was hard for me to say anything.

i couldn't get a word in hedgeways

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Wife says, "I've got to dress up tomorrow, and I can't find anything to wear."

I replied, "What do you want to dress up as?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peternemr
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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I'll come up with a cure for muteness before you can say...anything.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
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Apparently, if your girlfriend or wife ever says: "If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new...."

....."Anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mish106
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2014
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A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".

The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin_Kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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Anything you say may be used against you...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chopin_Broccoli
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
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So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"

I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_-Sponge-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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Forbes magazine says not to buy anything with Velcro.

It's a total rip-off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AgSubway
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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I told my dad he never says anything funny

"Anything funny."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrIQy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2016
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A man in court says, "I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present."

Cop: "But you are the lawyer..." Lawyer: "Exactly, So where's my present?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AYKW
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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Lesson learned today: When the newscaster says, β€œIf you know anything about this crime, please contact the police...”

The cops get really pissed off if you call them and just repeat the news segment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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Murphy's Law says anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong. Cole's Law is

Pretty much just cabbage

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigQfan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
🚨︎ report

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