I couldn't think of anything really new and humorous to say about my German sausage...
So I went to r/YourJokeButWurst to see if they had any advice.
A man sitting in an interrogation room says “I’m not saying anything without my lawyer present!”
The policeman says “You are the lawyer!”
“Exactly, so where’s my present?” Replies the lawyer.
A door to door salesman knocked on my door and before I could say anything he said, "A person's regular occupation, profession, or trade..."
Just from the first sentence, I knew he meant business.
Why did no one say anything when the Queen farted?
Because noble gasses don’t cause a reaction
We once were questioning a perp who wouldn't say anything without his coarse file with cutting points instead of lines. After getting it, he immediately confessed...
Whenever I say anything to my horse, he denies it, refuses it, opposes it, or is skeptical or cynical about it.
If 90° says anything in argument with the other angles, it's always correct.
Cuz it's the only right angle.
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
Do you know what Murphy's Law is? It says that "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." Do you know what Cole's Law is?
My family was going around in a circle all making jokes. It got to my dad, and he didn’t say anything. I lean over and say to him:
There really isn’t a pun for lethal injections, I mean if you think about it, even if you do say anything, your life is still in vein...
Anything Saitama says...
...is technically a punchline.
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!!!!
I saw my ex in a party so I walked up to her to greet her. She saw me before I could say anything, saying: “I’m taken.” If she thought I was going to hit on her, then...
She’s definitely miss Taken.
What did the germaphobe say to his wife when she asked if they forgot anything?
"Don't worry, we've got everything covered."
I learned something today. When the news anchor says, “If you know anything about the crime, call the police,”
The cops get super pissed if you call them and re-tell the news story.
The wife was nattering on and on at the outdoor maze, it was hard for me to say anything.
i couldn't get a word in hedgeways
Apparently, if your girlfriend or wife ever says: "If anything ever happens to me, I want you to meet someone new...."
....."Anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
Wife says, "I've got to dress up tomorrow, and I can't find anything to wear."
I replied, "What do you want to dress up as?"
I'll come up with a cure for muteness before you can say...anything.
A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".
The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".
Anything you say may be used against you...
So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"
I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"
Forbes magazine says not to buy anything with Velcro.
I told my dad he never says anything funny
A man in court says, "I'm not saying anything without my lawyer present."
Cop: "But you are the lawyer..."
Lawyer: "Exactly, So where's my present?"
Lesson learned today: When the newscaster says, “If you know anything about this crime, please contact the police...”
The cops get really pissed off if you call them and just repeat the news segment.
Murphy's Law says anything that can go wrong WILL go wrong. Cole's Law is
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