Rolle Puns

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

A lambslide

You know. Roll reversal.

To get to the bottom.

Those were Goodyears.

1. Always
2. Coming
3. From
4. Take
5. Me
6. Down

Because they were in loaf

They all came out looking different but they taste the same.

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

It's not too hard, you just push it a little.

1. Metamorphic
2. Igneous
3. Sedimentary

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

Apparently the cows aren't getting a square meal.

My father recently passed away and his services were yesterday. I brought a jar of dad jokes and left it out for a “Dad jokes: take one / leave one” thank you all for some amazing content to brighten an otherwise difficult day. I got some good exchanges and saw many people passing around their little slips of paper followed but the smirk, the eye roll, the confusion, and eventually a smile.

No pressure.

Because if they rolled forward they would miss the water.

They're not gaining much traction anyway.

It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated. I used it anyway.

You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll

Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.

Axeing for a friend.

You push it down a hill.

Pick them up and roll them them back to her.

I was buying new tires for my car. While I was discussing my options the person down the counter was flustered at the prices she was being offered. To this she loudly asked:

"I put the same ones on my husbands Jeep last year! What happened? Why are they so expensive?!"

To which I looked at over and loudly stated. "Inflation."

The guys behind the counter laughed. The rest of the room groaned out a chorus of dadjoke music that should have been filmed live in front of a studio audience.

They charged me with rustling

It's a new loaf hat diet I'm trying.

giving someone a gift card for a specific shop

“Don’t spend it all in one place! ;)”

"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"

This morning my fiancé said to me:

“Technically you’re iron man”

Me: “is this going to descend into something about me doing the ironing?” (I was sorting laundry at the time)

Him: “you’re female. Fe is Iron, male is man, therefore you’re iron man”

I rolled my eyes so hard I could see my spine.

"do you habanero?"

I pre-tested this joke on the wife. The eye roll and groan made me think it was worthy to post here.

Ba dum tsss

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet..

"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$1500!" she cried, "$1500 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $50, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $1500."

For the groan up votes.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Sea shanties.

This was said to me just now by my 3 year old. So proud! Got a real eye roll from my wife too, so I know it was a good one. Tinged with sadness though, as it reminds me own dad, who went out to get milk and never came back

EDIT: Thanks for all the karma; I really don’t deserve it.

But when I do, it’s usually my ankle.

To get to the... Bottom...

(as told by my 5yo son, I'm so proud)

Bet them 3 to 1 they couldn’t help me

I told him that they were my second favourite.

it's a cat apostrophe

Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.

To get to the bottom

You push it.