She got off
Scot-Free
A Soviet Union.
Itβs definitely under rated.
But he came back with nothing
gullible.
He looked at me and said, "Me? How."
Because E.T. went home.
Trench
Because the sun never sets in the English Empire.
P.S, my first pun, sorry if it's bad guy.
Edit: my first dad joke, Haha sorry
Smiles. The first and last letters are a mile apart.
Phil
How ya bean, pop?
You look for the fresh prints!
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
But Spanish Bears are OSO great!
Japan.
To which he replied, "It's in the field of possibilities."
Othelothcope.
That was the punchline
He said, βChange the batteries in your hearing aidβ.
Do people who speak Spanish and German speaking Sperman?
As a matter of Texan pride; remember the Γ la mode.
...starts with N and ends with G
When I think about it, I see why.
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
To comfort him, I replied with: "There, their, they're."
I donβt know why.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
really only driven from time to time..
She just really needed a shoulder to crayon
β¦β¦..
Or just a low ha? Donβt downvote me π₯Ίππ
She said:
I'm mature
I'm moral
I'm polite
And, by and large, I'm perfect
Don't know why she then accused me of having "a fundamental incapability to understand the proper use of apostrophes and spacing" though....
Really big hands
I know he means well.
Edit: Wow. Thanks for the awards, kind Reddit strangers!
..to find exactly 32 of them.
Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
He looked at me and said, "Me, How?
